Oh man. I just had to change my tagline to "the ravings of a mildly obsessive 19-year-old cinephile." I know I'm the baby of my group of friends, but I feel kinda old.
Anyway, I have a pretty spectacular post for you guys today, though I can't take credit for the awesome idea behind it. One of imdb's daily links back in the summer was to a blog called Misfortune Cookie, which featured the blogger's perfect day, made up of movie scenes. I had started coming up with one of my own, but gave up after making it halfway through. Then I forgot about it. Until now! Keep in mind that what I ended up with was a vague interpretation of the concept; some of the scenes are not featured exactly as they appear in the movie. Also, I gave myself a job as a convenient story device. And now, I am proud to present my movie-inspired fantasy day, which is likely to scare you all with its length and detail...
My day would start off with me waking up from a wonderful dream a lot like the amazingly absurd half of Big Fish. I would check my mailbox only to discover that someone had stuffed it with orange Tic-Tacs. Armed with fresh breath and an outfit somewhat inspired by Audrey Hepburn's famous Breakfast at Tiffany's ensemble, I'd then take to the city streets. Eventually I'd end up at my magazine job, where I'd swap fast talk with my editor, who bears an uncanny resemblance to Cary Grant from His Girl Friday. It's soon time for lunch though, so I decide to steal Cameron's dad's car and zoom down the road to the Star Wars theme. But oh no, some evil guys are after me! Luckily, like Popeye Doyle in The French Connection, I know how to pull off an awesome car chase scene and lose them. However, I wreck the car in the process. And who should pull up right then but Gregory Peck on a Vespa. Since I'm out of a mode of transportation and already dressed a little like Audrey Hepburn, I accept his offer for a ride and we tour the city. We both have to get back to our journalistic jobs though, so he drops me off a few blocks from my office building.
As I walk back to my job, I see Nicolas Cage trying to decode some historic monument, and I punch him in the face.
I'm really running late now, but notice Aldous Snow filming his music video for "We've Got to Do Something." How can I turn down the chance to hold up one of those hilarious contradictory messages of progress? I'm thinking mine says something like "Shun Ignorance" or "Don't Sell Your Soul; Lease It to the World." After avoiding Aldous's creepy advances, I rush back to work, but it's already closing time when I reach the building. It's a good thing Cary Grant likes me so much, or I'd be fired. Hold on, what's this? Is that a news team rumble I seem forming outside? Ron Burgundy and his friends mean business, but one look at my trident and they scatter (where I got a trident is not important).
A beat-up yellow VW bus then pulls up, and I join the fantastically dysfunctional Hoover family. After helping Dwayne deal with his teenage angst, motivating Olive and giving Frank a hug, I hop out in front of the courthouse, where I'm just in time to rule in favor of Ted Kramer for the custody battle (this is a fantasy - I can be a judge with absolutely no legal background if I want to). That last part may seem like an especially weird thing to include in my perfect day, and actually rewrites the entire scene, but anytime I get to make Dustin Hoffman happy is a good day for me.
The last significant thing I do during this ridiculous 24 hours is hit up a nearby concert, featuring a line-up of only the best movie bands ever. The Blues Brothers, Sonic Death Monkey from High Fidelity, Billy Mack from Love Actually, Dr. Fünke's 100% Natural Good Time Family Band Solution (that may be TV, but how the hell can I not include it?) - they're all there. After the outstanding show has ended, I head back to wherever it is I'm living and go to bed, exhausted from the day's action.
