Eat Your Heart Out, Andre Bazin!

Alright, I have a serious intellectual case to make here.  Based on the Oscars, I am now prepared to present a new film theory I've been working on for the past few months. I don't mean to brag, but I think it's going to shake Hollywood even more so than Laura Mulvey's "Visual Pleasure in Narrative Cinema" (score two gratuitous film class references). Okay, are you ready? Here it goes: there is no one on the planet more adorable than Dev Patel.

  

I know that might not sound like a big deal coming from me. I do spend an awful lot of time talking about how adorable certain actors are. But this subject is not up for debate. In fact, screw that "theory" bullshit, this is LAW. Doubt me? Here's the proof:

Exhibit A: He likes little kids in a non-creepy way.

Exhibit B: He wears sweater vests.

Exhibit C: This picture.

Seriously, when this guy starts getting mobbed by girls, I'm not even going to feel sorry for him. You brought this on your unbelievably cute self, Dev!

For all you fans out there (a.k.a. every girl that saw Slumdog), here's another ten solid minutes of adorableness:

P.S. Just so all of you who aren't quite as nerdy about movies as I am can appreciate how bombastic - I mean brilliant - my comparisons to other theorists are, here's Andre Bazin's wikipedia page, as well as Laura Mulvey's. 

The Obligatory [Post-]Oscar Post

I apologize that this post is so late, everyone. I know I probably sound extremely dated by this point, but on the off chance that you're reading this and either: a) didn't see the Oscars, b) did but still haven't tired from the coverage or c) specifically asked about my post-Oscars post (hey Jen!), here is my recap of the 81st Annual Academy Awards.

Overall impression? Yawn. Don't get me wrong, I was really happy with most of the wins, but it was all so predictable. You know it's a dull show when the only major upset is in the Best Foreign Language Film category. 

So let's get to the high points, shall we? First and foremost, the Academy wisely decided not to turn Kate Winslet into the new Martin Scorsese and gave her a damn Oscar. I shrieked a little when it happened, not gonna lie. I also thought her speech was great, and very endearing. Whose heart didn't melt when she reacted to her dad's whistle? Or when she said "Well it's not a shampoo bottle now"? I guess her supposedly dramatic Golden Globes speech didn't hurt her in the least, so all you critical (read: stuffy and heartless) British journalists can shove it. 

I'm happy to say I was pleasantly surprised by Judd Apatow's comedy bit with Seth Rogen and James Franco. Personally I thought Pineapple Express was a disappointment, but this sketch was pretty hilarious. It's hard to pick a favorite part; there's the two stoners laughing hysterically at The Reader, Franco confusing Robert Downey Jr. with Barack Obama and even Saving Private Ryan director of photography Janusz Kaminski hanging out/cuddling with the pair. But I'd probably go with the moment where James Franco watches himself in Milk.  

Speaking of Milk, how about screenwriter Dustin Lance Black's speech? Call me a sap, but I thought that was the most touching Oscar speech I've ever heard. I almost cried, and this is coming from a person who has probably shed a tear at no more than 10 movies in her lifetime. The Academy has certainly come a long way since 2005, when it didn't have the guts to give the Best Picture Oscar to Brokeback Mountain.

I was also really happy with the Slumdog (almost) sweep. I know the backlash against it is now in full swing, but I still freakin' love that movie. If nothing else, the Oscars satisfied my insatiable need to see the cast and Danny Boyle at all times. They're the happiest people on earth (for good reason), and seeing them you just can't help but smile too. My only question is where was the exact replication of the Bollywood dance from the credits?

Because, let's be honest, it would have been a gajillion times better than that ode to the musical that Hugh Jackman and Beyonce led. There were way too many songs in there, which caused a lot of classics to get stiffed about five bars. Plus the performers really weren't that impressive. Boring maybe, but not impressive. If Vanessa Hudgens and Zac Efron are the ones bringing the musical back, as Jackman declared, then I want no part of this revival.

Lastly, even though the Academy fulfilled my Kate Winslet and Slumdog Millionaire requests and even though I knew this was coming, it pains me that The Curious Case of Benjamin Button is now an Oscar winner. The inevitable proclamations on the DVD cover are likely to turn me into Bruce Banner, so please be warned and hide any copies once they're released.

Fred Astaire+Michael Jackson=The New PB & J

Okay, I have a sad truth to admit: before my Hollywood Musical class this semester, I had never seen a Fred Astaire movie. Having now enjoyed The Band Wagon, Top Hat and all the numbers of Easter Parade, I realize what an absolute crime that was. Not only is Fred one of the most amazingly talented dancers I've ever seen, he's so adorable! I dare you to watch any of his movies, or even just the first thirty seconds of "Cheek to Cheek" and not fall a little bit in love with him. And if his talent and charm weren't enough, listen to this: some imdb snooping has informed me that he was the narrator of the claymation classic Santa Claus Is Comin' to Town. So I think it's time to add him to my list of obsessions, and work on suppressing my enormous envy of Ginger Rogers.

But onto the real reason for my post. While searching for Fred numbers to use for my class paper, I came across this brilliant YouTube video. Some wonderful, wonderful person combined the genius of Fred Astaire with the genius of '80s Michael Jackson in the following mash-up, which I've watched at least five times since my initial discovery. They've specifically sampled the Girl Hunt Ballet from The Band Wagon, a sort of film noir in dance form which also features the stunning Cyd Charisse. 

The first minute or so of this mash-up is Fred-less and thus a little unnecessary, but I'll leave it up to you whether to skip ahead or not. Regardless, I hope you're ready to have your mind blown.