The End...or Is It?

Today, ladies and gentlemen, I write the last ever KMDb post...on Blogger.com.

I've decided to pack up this blog and take it to Wordpress. But nothing besides the site address and appearance is going to change, I promise. My one recurring series is going with me, and I'm not going to get any less crazy. I mean, c'mon. It's award season. If anything, I'm going to get crazier.

So I hope you'll follow me to KMDb, 2.0. You'll find it at http://kmdb.wordpress.com. See you there.

Golden Globes 2010: Alright! Wait, no. GOD no.

Well, it's over. The globes have been dished, the copious champagne drunk, the fists pumped and the disappointment shrieked. As always, the Golden Globes tricked me into thinking they had some sense only to pull a double whammy of injustice in the final act. I suppose I should know better by now. The Globes really aren't the most important pre-Oscar awards and are notorious for being an informal party where stars get wasted. But they sure are fun to watch.

I'm not going to write a full recap because I'm saving that for the Oscars, but I will take you through a very quick reaction to some of the big moments.

Ricky Gervais gets in a staredown with Steve Carell

Please cast these two men as rivals in a movie. They are gold together. And in need of some legitimately fantastic movie roles.

Mo'Nique wins Best Supporting Actress

Two things: she's going to be an Academy Award winner and she made a really heartfelt speech.

Christoph Waltz wins Best Supporting Actor

Dude's also getting an Oscar. But why was there a huge gap between his award and Mo'Nique's? I have never understood the Golden Globes' baffling organizational scheme. Just another reason I can't take this award show completely seriously.

Martin Scorsese is given the Cecil B. DeMille Award

Lifetime achievement awards tend to go to neglected geniuses, and thus are almost a slap in the face, but oh boy was Marty's montage awesome. Great clips from Goodfellas, Taxi Driver, Raging Bull and tons more, as well as some fantastic songs that referenced said movies. Just putting it out there: the death montage in Goodfellas set to the instrumental part of "Layla" is still the most awe-inspiring song-scene pairing I've ever seen. Also, I kinda wish Martin Scorsese was my grandpa.

Up in the Air wins Best Screenplay

Woo, Jason Reitman (and Sheldon)! You go! How on earth this was your movie's only win of the night is beyond me.

Meryl Streep wins Best Actress in a Comedy or Musical

T-Bone Streep? Only Meryl could pull off a speech so loopy and random. But then again, if I had 15 Oscar nominations, I'd probably be doing whatever the hell I wanted, too.

Robert Downey, Jr. wins Best Actor in a Comedy or Musical

*Happy sigh* There is no more praise I can lavish on this wonderful man, but his speech was perfect as per usual. Can we just give him an award for Best Person in any Comedy, Musical or Drama?

Sandra Bullock wins Best Actress in a Drama

I don't have much desire to see The Blind Side and didn't really like The Proposal, but it's impossible to dislike Sandra Bullock as a person. She has a sense of humor and awesome style. Also, she apparently speaks fluent German.

Jeff Bridges wins Best Actor in a Drama

Do I smell frontrunner?

James Cameron wins Best Director

Ugh, really? This man has a bigger ego than Quentin Tarantino, and way less talent to back it up. He should not even be in the same category as Kathryn Bigelow and Jason Reitman. I sincerely hope he does not get the opportunity to yell, "Well, who'd you expect, numbnuts?!" at the Oscars. Kathyrn and Jason, on the other hand, are more than welcome to utilize that phrase.

The Hangover wins Best Comedy or Musical

Hey, I liked The Hangover, but there is no arguing this point: (500) Days of Summer is a vastly superior movie. Not especially bitter though, and at least the brilliant Ed Helms is getting more exposure.

Avatar wins Best Drama

THIS IS MY NIGHTMARE. Academy, I'm begging you. Please be stronger than the Hollywood Foreign Press. Avatar has one of the worst scripts in recent memory, yet everyone seems to be conveniently forgetting that fact. Don't be one of those people. Refuse James Cameron's money. I know he has a lot of it, but this is a matter of integrity. You've made some mistakes before; I'll forget those if you give me this. Well, I'll forget some of them. That's still a lot. A. Freakin'. Lot.

I'm not even going to dignify this one with a clip. Because if I ignore it, maybe it will go away. Maybe? Just a little?

If Sam Mendes Directed Bond

The title may be hypothetical, but recent reports suggest that this could be a not-so-distant reality. That's right: Sam Mendes is apparently in talks to helm the 23rd movie in the Bond franchise. I'm not exactly sure how to take this. On the one hand, I love Sam Mendes a whole lot. American Beauty is one of my all-time favorite movies, and, as you can see in my previous post, both Road to Perdition and Revolutionary Road made my best of the '00s list. However, he's not exactly the obvious candidate. He's tried his hand at gangsters (Road to Perdition) and war (Jarhead), but there is not a single action movie to his name. In fact, what is associated with his name is unquestionably subtle, dialogue-heavy drama. Kinda the polar opposite of James Bond, a man known for his flashy cars, unrelenting physical fights and puns.

I'm cautiously putting my faith in Mendes for now -- no one expected reboot Casino Royale to work as marvelously as it did -- but just for fun, I thought I'd imagine the newest Bond with all the most stereotypical touches of a Sam Mendes movie. Get ready to question your life in three, two, one....

The Story: James Bond has grown increasingly disenchanted with his shallow spy lifestyle and after flubbing one too many missions, M shows him the door. He takes up residence in a quaint British neighborhood as he tries to find his place in the world as well as redemption for his past exploits.

The Bond Girl: The married lady down the block. She wanted to be a model or whatever Bond girls claim as their professions, but never achieved her dream. Instead, she has a few kids and gets cheap thrills from screwing around with Bond. She may look content to the outside world, but she's a deeply unhappy person.

The Villain: Wait for it....suburbia! No amount of bare knuckle fights, guns or parkour can vanquish this formidable foe. As the pressures of the neighborhood continue to weigh on Bond, can he emerge unscathed?

The Car: A used Camry. Navy blue, but it's lost its shine.

The Choice Cheesy Joke:

Married Lady Down the Block: Are you a religious man, James?

Bond: There are plenty of things you could call me, but believer isn't one of them. You know, when you're young you think that God will show you the answer. Hell, even some adults buy that bullshit. But where's my answer, huh? Where's my goddamn answer? I've been sitting here the past few weeks begging for a sign, any hint as to what to do with my life, and all I've realized is that watching the people across the street is not even half as fucking exciting as Rear Window claims it is. And even if I had some notion as to what to do, would I be able to pursue it, knowing how many nameless henchmen, evil geniuses and backstabbing sluts I've killed? I have blood on my hands, married lady down the lock, blood that will haunt my dreams for the rest of my miserable fucking existence. *Pause* But I do believe in lovin' thy neighbor.

KMDB's Top 50 of the 2000s

Now that we are safely into the new decade, it's time to present -- drumroll, please -- KMDB's top 50 movies of the 2000s! But first, some clarification. This is not quite a "best of the decade" list. I'll freely admit to some personal bias in the following choices. I realize that Mullholland Dr., City of God and The Lord of the Rings trilogy are all much more thought-provoking and nuanced films than Anchorman and Mean Girls, but it just felt wrong making a best of list that my heart wasn't really in. So consider this more of a favorites list than a definitive best of list, but please don't discredit it! I've spent far too much time perfecting the choices, all of which come at my highest recommendation. Since 50 pictures and/or trailers would be a tad bit overwhelming (and exhausting to assemble), I've included either some keywords or a key quote from the movie to give you an idea if you're unfamiliar. The films are unranked, as I love them all too much to pick and choose slots. You'll just find them in the preferred organizational scheme of the OCD-afflicted: alphabetization.

And here we go....

28 Days Later (2002)

Keywords: infected chimpanzees, zombies, radio broadcast, sorta skeevy soldiers

(500) Days of Summer (2009)

Key quote: "Just because she likes the same bizarro crap as you doesn't mean she's your soulmate."

Almost Famous (2000)

Key quote: "And you can tell Rolling Stone magazine that my last words were...I'm on drugs!"

American Psycho (2000)

Keywords: yuppies, ax, chainsaw, murder, mayhem, disturbing use of Huey Lewis and the News

Anchorman (2004)

Key quote: "They've done studies, you know. 60% of the time it works, every time."

The Aviator (2004)

Keywords: glamour, airplanes, movie stars, OCD, q-u-a-r-a-n-t-i-n-e

Before Sunset (2004)

Key quote: "I guess when you're young, you believe there'll be many people whom you'll connect with. Later in life, you realize it only happens a few times."

Big Fish (2003)

Keywords: circus, daffodils, singing Siamese twins, tall tales, father-son relations

The Bourne Supremacy (2004)

Keywords: misdirected bullet, CIA, ass kicking, European cities, sly phone conversations

Brick (2005)

Key quote: "Throw one at me if you want, hash head. I've got all five senses and I slept last night. That puts me six up on the lot of you."

Bright Star (2009)

Keywords: poetry, tuberculosis, old-timey fashionista, tartan trousers, doomed romance

Brokeback Mountain (2005)

Key quote: "You count the damn few times we have been together in nearly twenty years and you measure the short fucking leash you keep me on and then you ask me about Mexico and tell me you'll kill me for needing somethin' I don't hardly never get...I wish I knew how to quit you."

Casino Royale (2006)

Keywords: poker, espionage, sexually charged banter, fast cars, loose women, stock market manipulation

Children of Men (2006)

Keywords: dystopia, sterility, old hippie, dangerous mission, sweet tracking shots

Collateral (2004)

Key quote: "What? I should only kill people after I get to know them?"

Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon (2000)

Keywords: flying kicks to the head, waterfall, treetops, swords, character named Shining Phoenix Mountain Gou

The Darjeeling Limited (2007)

Key quote: "I love you, too, but I'm going to mace you in the face."

The Departed (2006)

Key quote: "I don't want to be a product of my environment, I want my environment to be a product of me."

Donnie Darko (2001)

Keywords: time travel, vandalism, crackpot philosophy, tall evil rabbit

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (2004)

Key quote: "Why do I fall in love with every woman I see who shows me the least bit of attention?"

Gone Baby Gone (2007)

Keywords: kidnapping, druggie mom, inner city, conflicted cops

Good Night, and Good Luck (2005)

Key quote: "Cassius was right. The fault, dear Brutus, is not in our stars but in ourselves. Good night, and good luck."

Hard Candy (2005)

Keywords: Internet predator, red hoodie, mind games, Goldfrapp

High Fidelity (2000)

Key quote: "Which came first, the music or the misery?"

The Hurt Locker (2009)

Keywords: Iraq, bomb diffusion, daredevil sergeant, Stay Puft Marshmallow Man-esque outfit, a boy named Beckham

Inside Man (2006)

Keywords: bank heist, hostages, riddles, decoys, dirty little secret, surgical masks

Into the Wild (2007)

Key quote: "The core of man's spirit comes from new experiences."

Iron Man (2008)

Keywords: arms dealing, eccentric superhero, comical test trials, comical press conferences, flashy iron alloy suits

Juno (2007)

Key quote: "And apparently she was supposed to be super beautiful, but really mean, like Diana Ross."

Kiss Kiss Bang Bang (2005)

Key quote: "Anyway, by now you may wonder how I wound up here. Or maybe not. Maybe you wonder how silly putty picks shit up from comic books. The point is I don't see another goddamn narrator, so pipe down."

Lars and the Real Girl (2007)

Keywords: blow-up doll, small town, sweet but intensely shy main character, awkward family dinners

The Last King of Scotland (2006)

Key quote: "I am tired of hatred, Doctor Garrigan. This country is drowning in it. We deserve better."

Little Children (2006)

Keywords: suburbia, extramarital affair, the sex offender next door, jester hat, seductive bathing suit, skateboards

Little Miss Sunshine (2006)

Key quote: "You know what? Fuck beauty contests. Life is one fucking beauty contest after another. School, then college, then work...fuck that. And fuck the Air Force Academy. If I want to fly, I'll find a way to fly. You do what you love, and fuck the rest."

Mean Girls (2004)

Key quote: "If you're from Africa, why are you white?"

Memento (2000)

Keywords: Polaroids, significant tattoos, messed up memory, nonlinear storyline like whoa

Milk (2008)

Key quote: "All men are created equal. No matter how hard you try, you can never erase those words."

Notes on a Scandal (2006)

Key quote: "This is going to sound sick, but something in me felt entitled. You know, I've been good all my adult life. I've been a decent wife, a dutiful mother coping with Ben. The voice inside me kept saying, 'Why shouldn't you be bad? Why shouldn't you transgress? I mean, you've earned the right.'"

Pan's Labyrinth (2006)

Keywords: fairy tales, anti-fascist resistance, creeptastic creatures, three tasks, difficult pregnancy, knife to the mouth

Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl (2003)

Key quote: "Well! I'm actually feeling rather good about this. I think we have all arrived at a very special place. Spiritually, ecumenically, grammatically."

Pride and Prejudice (2005)

Key quote: "Did I just agree to dance with Mr. Darcy? It would be most inconvenient, since I have sworn to loathe him for all eternity."

Revolutionary Road (2008)

Keywords: fighting couple, broken dreams, fedoras, cigarettes, big skirts, soul-draining '50s suburbia

Road to Perdition (2002)

Keywords: gangsters, father-son relations, photographer moonlighting as assassin, Great Depression, showdown in the rain

The Savages (2007)

Key quote: "People are dying, Wendy! Right inside that beautiful building right now, it's a fucking horror show! And all this wellness propaganda and the landscaping, it's just there to obscure the miserable fact that people die! And death is gaseous and gruesome and it's filled with shit and piss and rotten stink!"

Sideways (2004)

Keywords: shy writer, broken nose, crashed car, cheating bastard, wedding, wine

Slumdog Millionaire (2008)

Keywords: quiz show, flashbacks, Indian slums, destiny, orphans, crime lords, chai tea

Stranger Than Fiction (2006)

Key quote: "Odd as it may seem, I've just ruled out half of Greek literature, seven fairy tales, ten Chinese fables and determined conclusively that you are not King Hamlet, Scout Finch, Miss Marple, Frankenstein's Monster or a golem. Aren't you relieved to know you're not a golem?"

Thank You for Smoking (2005)

Key quote: "Michael Jordan plays ball. Charles Manson kills people. I talk. Everyone has a talent."

Up (2009)

Keywords: balloons, curmudgeonly old man, exploration, talking dogs, Boy Scout, bird named Kevin

Up in the Air (2009)

Key quote: "The slower we move, the faster we die. Make no mistake, moving is living."