Last night I saw an ad for the new 10 Things I Hate About You TV show, and was forced to confront the fact that this is not the sick joke we all wish it was. ABC Family has boldly decided to desecrate one of the greatest '90s teen comedies and one of Heath Ledger's best roles with a new series, starring kids from Camp Rock and Sky High. You know what that means: time for some angry poetry, inspired by the famous poem from the original 10 Things I Hate About You.
If I could I'd destroy all the footage with a Mini Uzi.
I hate the way you dared to replace the awesome original cast.
Why can't you leave these characters where they belong, in the past?
I hate the way you gave Heath's role to that loser Ethan Peck.
He may be Gregory's grandson, but he's going to be a wreck.
I hate the way you advertise, and that you exist at all.
But mostly I just hate you. So please find a big cliff and fall.
(They're looking at you, ABC Family.)
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