Ode to Nicolas Cage

Before I start things off here, I'd like to make an amendment to my latest post.  Having just watched Primal Fear (an utterly amazing movie), Edward Norton definitely needs to be included in my list of favorite actors.  I don't really know what to say about him, other than he's brilliant.  Oh and that it's an absolute crime that he lost the Oscar for Primal Fear to Cuba Gooding, Jr. in Jerry Maguire.  Really Academy, that's what you went with?

Now, I know I promised a companion list in this past post, and I have every intention of keeping my word.  Just not right now.

Since I'm going on vacation tomorrow (you guys will sadly have to make due without me until the 26th) and have limited time as it is, I thought I'd post something I actually wrote a few days before my first day of college.

Don't ask me why, because I have absolutely no idea as to the logic behind it, but I had a strange craving to write poetry at the time.  Since I'm incapable of writing any particularly profound or serious poems, I figured I'd stick to what I know: movies, or, more specifically, my hatred of Nicolas Cage.

At the encouragement of a few friends (one of our bonds is a mutual loathing of this so-called actor), I give you my aptly named Ode to Nicolas Cage:

Dear Mr. Cage or, if I may, Nic,

You have an uncanny knack of making me sick.

"Wooden" best describes your horrendous acting.

Would a little emotion be that exacting?

Not many claim a more dismal resume than you.

Ghost Rider and Con-Air, to name just a few.

I really wonder sometimes how you get work.

Have all the studio heads gone completely berserk?

The conflicts in Darfur, Israel and Baghdad

Are all tragedies - just horribly sad.

Yet nothing sends me into a greater rage

Than the phrase "Oscar winner Nicolas Cage."

(I also have to mention that the photo I used was originally attached to the headline "Nicolas Cage's Success Proves There Is No God."  It's comforting to know I'm not alone.) 

Comic Book Heroes, Steve Carell, and Shakespeare's Resurrection

Summer is (almost) officially here, and that means the blockbuster onslaught is as close as a worst acting by Nicolas Cage contest between National Treasure and all other Nicolas Cage movies.  I thought I'd celebrate the release of movies I'm genuinely excited about by highlighting the top five films I'm psyched to see.  (I don't know whether I'll write a companion "Movies I'll Be Avoiding like the Plague" list, so just in case I have to ask why Eddie Murphy is still allowed to act.  Is anyone honestly going to see Meet Dave?)  Carrie Bradshaw's bizarre wedding gown and hideous feather headdress sadly did not make the cut...

1.  Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (05/23)

Yeah, Harrison Ford is old and yeah, both Spielberg and Lucas have been delivering less than their A-game lately.  But it's Indiana Jones!  And from the looks of the trailer, Crystal Skull had the potential to rank right up there with Raiders of the Lost Ark (I mean hello, they even brought back Marion).  The action sequences look pretty impressive, even with Ford's *ahem* advanced age, and I just want to hug the casting director who got Cate Blanchett to play the commie villain.  Like everyone else, I'm dying to know whether Shia LaBeouf's character is Indy's secret son, although I have to doubt the legitimacy of the name Mutt Williams.  I suppose we'll have all the answers in just a few short days, and I am so excited for it (I'm not even remotely excited, however, for the inevitable Star Wars: The Clone Wars trailer.  I'm starting to think that not even a nuclear holocaust will stop this franchise's continued, and completely unjustified, expansion).  

2.  The Incredible Hulk (06/13)

I have to admit that I could only sit through 10 minutes of Ang Lee's 2003 bomb, but I think (and hope) this version will make us all forget that excruciating experience.  The first and most obvious sign of the film's step in the right direction is Edward Norton.  The man has played everything from a neo-Nazi to a conflicted Catholic priest with ease; a quick look at his resume assures us that he has tortured souls down pat.  The story's alterations also look promising; a focus on the misunderstood hero on the run from the military is sure to be more entertaining than the weak family backstory of its predecessor.  Besting Ang Lee is no mean feat, but come June 13th, I think relative newcomer Louis Leterrier will have earned those rather exclusive bragging rights.

As much as I'd love to just wrap this up now, I suspect that would put me in the running for longest blog post ever.  Look out for the rest of the list (which constitutes the "Steve Carell" and "Shakespeare's Resurrection" sections of the title) in the next few days.