Most Likely to Succeed...in Musicals

After recently posting about how adorable Dev Patel and Fred Astaire are, you'd think I'd try to tone down the toxic levels of girliness this blog currently boasts. Maybe talk about G.I. Joe (why Joseph Gordon-Levitt, why??) or just something that's neither excessively macho nor stereotypically feminine. 

But nope, it's back to what Fred does best: musicals! 

With the limited time the last couple weeks of the semester are affording me, my musical class screenings are basically the only movies I've been able to watch. I did get to see Casino though, which only confirmed my sneaking suspicion that Martin Scorsese is kind of a genius. Who else could fit this song into a gangster epic?

Wow I need some Adderral. Getting back on track, I wanted to share some of my favorite musical moments by offering high school superlatives to six numbers. I'm kind of ripping off Michelle Collins at the Best Week Ever blog with this post, but I only do it out of love for her wonderful awards show superlatives. Hopefully I'll do them some amount of justice.

Best Use of Christopher Walken: "Let's Misbehave" from Pennies from Heaven

That title might not be the most fitting - when is using Christopher Walken not great? - but this number gets props for showing Walken's unexpectedly remarkable dance skills. While most people were introduced to Walken's dancing through the Fatboy Slim video "Weapon of Choice" in 2001, he was dancing long before that. He actually trained in musical theater before tackling dramas, and returned to his roots in the 1981 Steve Martin musical Pennies from Heaven. Sadly we never get to hear Walken sing - all the characters lip synch to recordings - but he plays a pimp who dances phenomenally. That's good enough for me.

  

Most Precious: "Isn't This a Lovely Day (to Be Caught in the Rain)?" from Top Hat

Okay, we all know I love Fred Astaire. Here's one of the many reasons why:

Worst Acid Trip You'll Ever Experience: "The Polka Dot Polka" from The Gang's All Here

Even Hunter S. Thompson would be wary of whatever the hell Busby Berkeley was on when he conceived this number. Apparently the legendary choreographer/dance director got his best ideas in the bathtub drinking martinis, and it definitely shows in this unbelievably strange number, from the already strange movie The Gang's All Here. I don't think any context is necessary, because even having seen the rest of the movie I had no idea what was going on. So before I leave you to "The Polka Dot Polka," I will just warn anyone who might already be under the influence to stay away. This will not be a pleasant experience for you.

Least Homo-erotic: "The Pirate Ballet" from The Pirate

Just watch.

Well, before you do that move to the 3:45 mark. Stupid YouTube took down the separate "Pirate Ballet" video.

Innuendo-iest: "Take Off With Us" from All That Jazz

All That Jazz is about a flagrant womanizer named Joe Gideon, so it only makes sense that he would choreograph the double entendre-filled "Take Off With Us." The number is staged as a dress rehearsal for the musical's backers, and is followed by "Air-otica," a far less subtle number that essentially says "fuck it" to all innuendo. I prefer its predecessor, though I really enjoyed every part of the movie. Am I weird for liking a musical with costumes like this that unironically features John Lithgow? Probably.

All That Jazz also gets Best Ray Charles Pun for the finale "Bye Bye Life." As much as I like it, it's super long, bizarre and would make no sense out of context so I'm not posting it. Anyone dying to watch it can hit up YouTube.

Most Awe-Inspiring Pinstripes: "The Boy Next Door" from Meet Me in St. Louis

Okay, this superlative has more to do with costuming than anything else, but it's still a great number. I hadn't seen a Judy Garland movie besides The Wizard of Oz before this class, but having now seen Meet Me in St. Louis, The Pirate and A Star Is Born, she's one of my new favorites. It's a shame her tragic personal life often overshadows her talent, because she's an amazing singer, as seen in this and countless other numbers. Anyway, if you couldn't already figure it out from the title, Judy is in love with her next-door neighbor. She also rocks a white bowtie and awesome pinstriped tennis outfit. Aaaand go: 

Fred Astaire+Michael Jackson=The New PB & J

Okay, I have a sad truth to admit: before my Hollywood Musical class this semester, I had never seen a Fred Astaire movie. Having now enjoyed The Band Wagon, Top Hat and all the numbers of Easter Parade, I realize what an absolute crime that was. Not only is Fred one of the most amazingly talented dancers I've ever seen, he's so adorable! I dare you to watch any of his movies, or even just the first thirty seconds of "Cheek to Cheek" and not fall a little bit in love with him. And if his talent and charm weren't enough, listen to this: some imdb snooping has informed me that he was the narrator of the claymation classic Santa Claus Is Comin' to Town. So I think it's time to add him to my list of obsessions, and work on suppressing my enormous envy of Ginger Rogers.

But onto the real reason for my post. While searching for Fred numbers to use for my class paper, I came across this brilliant YouTube video. Some wonderful, wonderful person combined the genius of Fred Astaire with the genius of '80s Michael Jackson in the following mash-up, which I've watched at least five times since my initial discovery. They've specifically sampled the Girl Hunt Ballet from The Band Wagon, a sort of film noir in dance form which also features the stunning Cyd Charisse. 

The first minute or so of this mash-up is Fred-less and thus a little unnecessary, but I'll leave it up to you whether to skip ahead or not. Regardless, I hope you're ready to have your mind blown.