The Obligatory [Pre-]Oscar Post

C’mon, you knew this was coming sooner or later. I blog about movies; you can’t expect me to snub the Oscars, even if they've snubbed the likes of Cary Grant and Stanley freakin' Kubrick.

*Deep breath* I digress. The Oscar nominations come out in just three more days and before they’re released, I wanted to share a sort of wishlist with all of you, and the Academy, who I’m sure bookmarked this blog long ago. Some of the items on here are, well, a little improbable but it's Martin Luther King Day and dammit, I have a dream!

I don't really know how I can top that horrible reference, so without further ado, I present my Oscar wishlist:

1. A complete Benjamin Button shut-out

Am I the only one who thought this movie was an absolute disaster? Almost anyone who’s seen it will say “It was a little too long…” but no one has the guts to speak the truth: it was crap. It pains me to admit this as a Cate Blanchett fanatic, but the characters (even hers) were bland and the story was a mess – one of the most superficial that I’ve ever seen (bet you thought that stupid backwards clock, or Hurricane Katrina tie-in, was going to go somewhere but nope sorry! We were too busy adding 43598743895 other underdeveloped and boring storylines to flesh that out). I will grant that the visuals were stunning, which is why I won’t get grumpy over an Art Direction win, but please for the love of God do not let this movie get a Best Picture nod (or even worse, win) over its far more deserving competitors. Which brings me to my second point…

2. Some Revolutionary Road love

First of all, let me say that I had to work to see this movie. I have no idea why the distributors decided to put a Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet movie in five theaters across the nation, but they did and it was pretty frustrating. It would be very easy for me to have some mild, irrational resentment towards Revolutionary Road because of the inconvenience, but I have none at all; I absolutely loved it. The movie was devastating and haunting, the questions it raised were complex and interesting and Kate and Leo gave two enthralling performances. So why oh why is it being almost completely overlooked? I truly believe it merits Best Picture and Best Director nods, but I can deal with those snubs, even though I’m seething that Benjamin Button will probably get both. It’s nothing sort of criminal, however, that Leo is almost certainly going to be ignored (yet again). If Brad “so dull I considered tearing my hair out to spice things up” Pitt gets the slot over Leo, I will be sorely disappointed. And by sorely disappointed, I mean I might punch a hole in a wall.

3. A nod for Robert Downey, Jr. in Tropic Thunder

Argue the movie’s weaknesses with me all you want, but Robert Downey, Jr. absolutely deserves a nomination for Tropic Thunder. What he pulled off was nothing sort of genius. A lesser actor would no doubt have inspired enormous public outrage, but he turned the role into one of the most hilarious in recent memory, and kept it controversy-free. He gave a quote to Entertainment Weekly in March of ’08 that pretty much sums the whole thing up (leave it to him to do everything right): “If [the part is] done right, it could be the type of role you called Peter Sellers to do 35 years ago. If you don’t do it right, we’re going to hell.” Robert, needless to say you are definitely not going to hell. (You're going to comedy heaven! High five, anyone?)

4. Slumdog Millionaire Best Picture win

Having seen all the major BP contenders, (excepting longshot The Wrestler), I’m officially pulling for Slumdog Millionaire. It’s not only one of the most inspiring movies I’ve seen in years, it’s just a wonderfully made film that deserves every one of its accolades. Now, I wouldn’t be outraged if Milk pulled an upset and took the prize, but Slumdog is still my number one and, from the way the awards season has been going, it may very well receive this honor. Lest you doubt its merit, I dare you to watch this and not hand over the award right away (if you haven't seen the movie, though, start it at about 1:07):

5. More Ricky Gervais

Let’s see: he was hilarious at the Emmys, hilarious at the Golden Globes and is generally a hilarious guy. It still mystifies me that Hugh Jackman and not Ricky is hosting the Oscars, but I’ll settle for another one of his amusing award presentations.

Oh right, and give Kate Winslet a damn Oscar!