Golden Globes 2010: Alright! Wait, no. GOD no.

Well, it's over. The globes have been dished, the copious champagne drunk, the fists pumped and the disappointment shrieked. As always, the Golden Globes tricked me into thinking they had some sense only to pull a double whammy of injustice in the final act. I suppose I should know better by now. The Globes really aren't the most important pre-Oscar awards and are notorious for being an informal party where stars get wasted. But they sure are fun to watch.

I'm not going to write a full recap because I'm saving that for the Oscars, but I will take you through a very quick reaction to some of the big moments.

Ricky Gervais gets in a staredown with Steve Carell

Please cast these two men as rivals in a movie. They are gold together. And in need of some legitimately fantastic movie roles.

Mo'Nique wins Best Supporting Actress

Two things: she's going to be an Academy Award winner and she made a really heartfelt speech.

Christoph Waltz wins Best Supporting Actor

Dude's also getting an Oscar. But why was there a huge gap between his award and Mo'Nique's? I have never understood the Golden Globes' baffling organizational scheme. Just another reason I can't take this award show completely seriously.

Martin Scorsese is given the Cecil B. DeMille Award

Lifetime achievement awards tend to go to neglected geniuses, and thus are almost a slap in the face, but oh boy was Marty's montage awesome. Great clips from Goodfellas, Taxi Driver, Raging Bull and tons more, as well as some fantastic songs that referenced said movies. Just putting it out there: the death montage in Goodfellas set to the instrumental part of "Layla" is still the most awe-inspiring song-scene pairing I've ever seen. Also, I kinda wish Martin Scorsese was my grandpa.

Up in the Air wins Best Screenplay

Woo, Jason Reitman (and Sheldon)! You go! How on earth this was your movie's only win of the night is beyond me.

Meryl Streep wins Best Actress in a Comedy or Musical

T-Bone Streep? Only Meryl could pull off a speech so loopy and random. But then again, if I had 15 Oscar nominations, I'd probably be doing whatever the hell I wanted, too.

Robert Downey, Jr. wins Best Actor in a Comedy or Musical

*Happy sigh* There is no more praise I can lavish on this wonderful man, but his speech was perfect as per usual. Can we just give him an award for Best Person in any Comedy, Musical or Drama?

Sandra Bullock wins Best Actress in a Drama

I don't have much desire to see The Blind Side and didn't really like The Proposal, but it's impossible to dislike Sandra Bullock as a person. She has a sense of humor and awesome style. Also, she apparently speaks fluent German.

Jeff Bridges wins Best Actor in a Drama

Do I smell frontrunner?

James Cameron wins Best Director

Ugh, really? This man has a bigger ego than Quentin Tarantino, and way less talent to back it up. He should not even be in the same category as Kathryn Bigelow and Jason Reitman. I sincerely hope he does not get the opportunity to yell, "Well, who'd you expect, numbnuts?!" at the Oscars. Kathyrn and Jason, on the other hand, are more than welcome to utilize that phrase.

The Hangover wins Best Comedy or Musical

Hey, I liked The Hangover, but there is no arguing this point: (500) Days of Summer is a vastly superior movie. Not especially bitter though, and at least the brilliant Ed Helms is getting more exposure.

Avatar wins Best Drama

THIS IS MY NIGHTMARE. Academy, I'm begging you. Please be stronger than the Hollywood Foreign Press. Avatar has one of the worst scripts in recent memory, yet everyone seems to be conveniently forgetting that fact. Don't be one of those people. Refuse James Cameron's money. I know he has a lot of it, but this is a matter of integrity. You've made some mistakes before; I'll forget those if you give me this. Well, I'll forget some of them. That's still a lot. A. Freakin'. Lot.

I'm not even going to dignify this one with a clip. Because if I ignore it, maybe it will go away. Maybe? Just a little?

December 14: The Day a Room with Padded Walls Becomes My New Home

I'm really trying to stay composed here, guys. Really trying. But you see, I have news that is likely to keep me awake for the rest of the night/month. And there's no other way for me to express it but this:

SHERLOCK HOLMES WORLD PREMIERE IN LONDON ON DECEMBER 14TH. OHMYGOD GUYS IS THIS REAL LIFE I MIGHT SEE ROBERT DOWNEY JR MY FAVORITE PERSON EVER SOMEONE PLEASE DRUG ME CANNOT HANDLE THIS AT ALL OH MY GODDDDDDDDDD.

Yes, it's true. My flatmate just informed me, and laughed really hard at my subsequent facial expression. I'd imagine it was a Hans Grüber falling off the building at the end of Die Hard meets Jack Torrance chasing his son in The Shining meets any chick flick heroine doing a private little dance of joy after being asked out by the guy of her dreams kind of face. And I realize that you guys must be sick of my incessant Sherlock Holmes ravings, and cannot possibly be as excited about this news as I am, but please try to understand.

This. 

May be in front of my face.

In about one month.

I believe the wikipedia images accompanying the page for "hysteria" best sum up my current condition. Particularly the one of the far left. And, well, all of them.

Sherlock Holmes Watch, Continued

Keep it together....keep it together. You can do this. It's only two minutes and 22 seconds of Robert Downey, Jr. with a British accent playing one of your favorite literary characters ever. It's only funny and action-packed and dripping with awesome sauce. Wait, what the hell is awesome sauce? I'm getting delirious. Okay, okay, back on track. This is not a big deal. Not a big deal. It's not like it ends on an absurd and hilarious zinger. It's not like Jude Law and Robert Downey, Jr. are perfect together. This movie is probably going to suck after all.

I didn't mean it!!! God strike me down for spewing such blasphemy! Who the hell am I kidding? I'm on the verge of tears/hyperventilation/a complete mental breakdown and I've only seen two minutes of this beautiful gift to humanity. I'm really starting to doubt that I'll have any semblance of sanity by the time this finally hits theaters.

I apologize to anyone reading this who isn't already obsessed with Sherlock Holmes, because you're going to be dealing with this for the rest of the year. Sorry.

BREAKING NEWS: Sherlock Holmes Poster!

Oh. My. God. Here I was just browsing movie posters, minding my own business, when I came across this:

To be honest, my first thought was "When did Sherlock Holmes turn into the Notorious B.I.G.?" but I'm a fan now. Guy Ritchie and the cast have made it pretty clear that this will be a more modern Sherlock Holmes story, so when you think about it this poster is actually brilliant. By combining present-day gangster images with old-timey pipes and ascots, the graphic designer/photographer has captured both the 19th and 21st century sensibilities of this movie...and made Sherlock Holmes a freakin' BAMF. 

I seriously cannot wait for Sherlock Holmes. The level of excitement I'm experiencing here is definitely unhealthy, and it's been stable since, oh, this time last year. Expect more alarming manifestations of my obsession as the release date gets closer, but for now I thought I'd settle for a cheesy MySpace countdown clock. I've never made one of these before, but if anything warrants it, it's Robert Downey, Jr. as Sherlock Holmes:

I'm really upset that it's opening Christmas day now, though. I hadn't checked the release date in a while, but I was totally planning on scaring the hell out of Robert Downey, Jr. at the London premiere while I'm abroad. I guess I'll just have to settle for a midnight showing at the Regal Theater, and plan to ambush RDJ some other time. So it goes.  

P.S. For those of you who haven't been rabidly devouring every single film still, here are the RDJ-tagged photo galleries from Just Jared. (In addition to five Sherlock Holmes galleries, there are Iron Man 2 stills, too!)

The Obligatory [Pre-]Oscar Post

C’mon, you knew this was coming sooner or later. I blog about movies; you can’t expect me to snub the Oscars, even if they've snubbed the likes of Cary Grant and Stanley freakin' Kubrick.

*Deep breath* I digress. The Oscar nominations come out in just three more days and before they’re released, I wanted to share a sort of wishlist with all of you, and the Academy, who I’m sure bookmarked this blog long ago. Some of the items on here are, well, a little improbable but it's Martin Luther King Day and dammit, I have a dream!

I don't really know how I can top that horrible reference, so without further ado, I present my Oscar wishlist:

1. A complete Benjamin Button shut-out

Am I the only one who thought this movie was an absolute disaster? Almost anyone who’s seen it will say “It was a little too long…” but no one has the guts to speak the truth: it was crap. It pains me to admit this as a Cate Blanchett fanatic, but the characters (even hers) were bland and the story was a mess – one of the most superficial that I’ve ever seen (bet you thought that stupid backwards clock, or Hurricane Katrina tie-in, was going to go somewhere but nope sorry! We were too busy adding 43598743895 other underdeveloped and boring storylines to flesh that out). I will grant that the visuals were stunning, which is why I won’t get grumpy over an Art Direction win, but please for the love of God do not let this movie get a Best Picture nod (or even worse, win) over its far more deserving competitors. Which brings me to my second point…

2. Some Revolutionary Road love

First of all, let me say that I had to work to see this movie. I have no idea why the distributors decided to put a Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet movie in five theaters across the nation, but they did and it was pretty frustrating. It would be very easy for me to have some mild, irrational resentment towards Revolutionary Road because of the inconvenience, but I have none at all; I absolutely loved it. The movie was devastating and haunting, the questions it raised were complex and interesting and Kate and Leo gave two enthralling performances. So why oh why is it being almost completely overlooked? I truly believe it merits Best Picture and Best Director nods, but I can deal with those snubs, even though I’m seething that Benjamin Button will probably get both. It’s nothing sort of criminal, however, that Leo is almost certainly going to be ignored (yet again). If Brad “so dull I considered tearing my hair out to spice things up” Pitt gets the slot over Leo, I will be sorely disappointed. And by sorely disappointed, I mean I might punch a hole in a wall.

3. A nod for Robert Downey, Jr. in Tropic Thunder

Argue the movie’s weaknesses with me all you want, but Robert Downey, Jr. absolutely deserves a nomination for Tropic Thunder. What he pulled off was nothing sort of genius. A lesser actor would no doubt have inspired enormous public outrage, but he turned the role into one of the most hilarious in recent memory, and kept it controversy-free. He gave a quote to Entertainment Weekly in March of ’08 that pretty much sums the whole thing up (leave it to him to do everything right): “If [the part is] done right, it could be the type of role you called Peter Sellers to do 35 years ago. If you don’t do it right, we’re going to hell.” Robert, needless to say you are definitely not going to hell. (You're going to comedy heaven! High five, anyone?)

4. Slumdog Millionaire Best Picture win

Having seen all the major BP contenders, (excepting longshot The Wrestler), I’m officially pulling for Slumdog Millionaire. It’s not only one of the most inspiring movies I’ve seen in years, it’s just a wonderfully made film that deserves every one of its accolades. Now, I wouldn’t be outraged if Milk pulled an upset and took the prize, but Slumdog is still my number one and, from the way the awards season has been going, it may very well receive this honor. Lest you doubt its merit, I dare you to watch this and not hand over the award right away (if you haven't seen the movie, though, start it at about 1:07):

5. More Ricky Gervais

Let’s see: he was hilarious at the Emmys, hilarious at the Golden Globes and is generally a hilarious guy. It still mystifies me that Hugh Jackman and not Ricky is hosting the Oscars, but I’ll settle for another one of his amusing award presentations.

Oh right, and give Kate Winslet a damn Oscar!

To McAvoy, DiCaprio and Hoffman(x2), with Love

Just about everyone has a short list of actors they simply adore. Regardless of the movie's quality, they will make you pay the $10 theater ticket on opening weekend. You'll defend even their weakest performances to the death ("The script was just a mess," "He/she was sick throughout filming, you know," "Shut up, you're jealous!") and often smile at the mere mention of their names. You're probably also seen stalking their mansions every Tuesday around midnight.  

Oh, is that just me? Damn.

Anyway, the point I'm trying to make here is that we're all absolute fanatics when it comes to some select stars. Since I'm obviously no exception, I decided to make my following post a virtual love letter to certain celebrities. I'll be suggesting a movie of theirs to check out as well, with YouTube snippets for support. Hopefully, I'll have some converts...  

1.  Dustin Hoffman

I thought it only appropriate to begin with my all-time favorite actor. The way I see it, not only is Dustin Hoffman probably the most versatile actor in Hollywood history, he's also one of the most endearing, insightful and just plain respectable celebrities out there. Consider his 1980 Oscar speech in which he delivered the sincerest commendations to the losing nominees the Academy has ever heard, or an interview concerning Tootsie in which he tearfully lamented the fact that he had never given girls like Tootsie the time of day. Any other actor saying these things would sound nauseatingly cheesy, yet somehow it's not the least bit coming from Dustin.

Really though, the best thing about him is his boundless acting ability. Which is why it's so tough to pick just one performance to recommend. If I must though, it would have to be his iconic role in The Graduate. While I have yet to see Midnight Cowboy, Ben Braddock is just so hilariously awkward and hopelessly unsure of his life's direction in a way we can all relate to, making him truly memorable (though calling a Hoffman character "memorable" seems like a bit of an oxymoron). Enjoy the movie's most quoted scene here:

2.  James McAvoy

If there's anyone on this list who I'm also kind of in love with, it's James McAvoy. Honestly, is there anyone more charming than this guy? Pathetic crush aside, I think he is one of the few actors out there who makes any movie he's in infinitely better. Think about it: we probably wouldn't have cared half as much about Atonement's Robbie Turner if someone else had played him, and Lord knows he's the only reason I made it through Penelope. So what exactly is it that makes him fascinating onscreen? There are plenty of answers to that question, but what it all comes down to, if you ask me, are the facts that he's so wonderfully subtle, and you just know he's putting all he has into his roles, no matter their weight. 

I feel like it's my patriotic duty as a movie lover to urge everyone to see him in The Last King of Scotland. It's insane how underrated his performance is, as much as Forest Whitaker's terrifyingly good acting merits discussion. Unfortunately, YouTube seems to have forgotten his fantastic role in it as well, so hopefully this trailer will be convincing enough.

3. Philip Seymour Hoffman

There must be something about the name Hoffman, because it's attached to two absolutely phenomenal actors. This precise connection is actually the sole reason I was introduced to PSH. Back in 2005, I was reading early Oscar buzz and came across predictions of "Hoffman" winning Best Actor. I obviously flipped out and scrambled to find the latest Dustin Hoffman project only to discover my, in the end, marvelous mistake. After getting over my initial disappointment, I found myself somewhat intrigued by the premise of Capote. Once I finally got around to seeing it, well past the Oscar season's end, I could not have been more grateful to that rather unclear entertainment reporter.  

PSH, like Dustin, is just such an actor. Sure, he can knock it out of the park with a carefully crafted dramatic character (i.e. Capote, Before the Devil Knows You're Dead) but he can also play comedic characters exceptionally well (i.e. Charlie Wilson's War, Along Came Polly - yes, he was in it and no, nothing about that movie other than him is worthwhile).  

I know I've already sung my praises for The Savages, but I think it might be my favorite performance of his. As Jon Savage, a middle-aged drama professor whose long-term relationship is crumbling and estranged father is dying, he creates one of those great flawed yet deeply sympathetic figures. Watch what I believe is his best scene here:

4. Leonardo DiCaprio

As much as I love Leo now, there was a dark and distant time in my past when I despised him. I guess the fact that I really only saw 20 minutes of Titanic when it first came out, thanks to my hyper-concerned mom, and that every irritating girl in my grade was so enamored with him really worked against the poor guy. Then, on one fateful day in the fall of '07, I saw The Departed and was completely blown away. After watching a few more of his movies, I came to the realization that, not only is he one of the strongest actors of his generation, but, contrary to popular belief, his talent didn't just emerge in the past few years; he's had it all along. (To all you nay-sayers: I dare you to watch What's Eating Gilbert Grape and not be baffled by the fact that Tommy Lee Jones won the Oscar that year instead of Leo.)

My pick, since most people have seen The Departed by now, goes to another Scorsese project,The Aviator. (Get excited, all you Scorsese-DiCaprio fans: their next project, Shutter Island, will premiere in October of 2009.) Leo brings his trademark intensity to the complex (to say the least) role with fantastic results, and, in an even more impressive feat, is not completely outshone by the fast-talking, remarkable Cate Blanchett.

I'm also giving honorable mentions to Jack Lemmon and Robert Downey, Jr. I'd love to give them a real spot, but I need to see more of their movies first. Since I mentioned him though, I have to briefly express my absolute joy at the news that Downey will play Sherlock Holmes in Guy Ritchie's upcoming project. It almost takes away the sting of that Will Ferrell atrocity. Almost. 

(Look out next week for my companion list of favorite leading ladies.)

Hollywood's Best Kept Secret

I know that I often say things on this blog that are pretty debatable, so I thought I'd start off this post with something we can all agree on: Robert Downey, Jr. is the freakin' man.

Seriously, anyone who's seen Iron Man or Kiss Kiss Bang Bang (just watch it; you'll thank me later) knows this guy is one of the funniest, most charismatic actors out there, yet he still more than lives up to his job description. So just when I thought he couldn't be any more talented, he goes and proves me wrong. Thanks to some aimless youtube searching a few days ago, I came across a video of him recording a song. Apparently, he released an album called The Futurist in 2004! And let me tell you, he can sing.

It's absolutely criminal that more people don't know about his vocal skills, so I'm sharing the video here. Give it a listen, and don't be too startled by the man with multi-colored facial hair; there's an introduction with the producers and collaborators.



What did I tell you? At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if Downey were also a champion unicyclist.

Editor's Note: Apparently this video is gone. You can listen to the song here, or enjoy the great Bruce Springsteen cover he performed on Ally McBeal:

A Eulogy for the MTV Movie Awards

It's pretty hard to describe the atrocity that was the 2008 MTV Movie Awards.  So much of it was awkward, unfunny, and/or in poor taste that it's really difficult to conclusively pinpoint what went wrong. 

I'll give it a try.

Before I get into this analysis, let me provide a bit of a disclaimer: I fully acknowledge that this award show is not something to be taken seriously.  The best movies and actors from that year never win; someone like Daniel Day-Lewis doesn't stand a chance in hell against Johnny Depp and Shia LaBeouf.  Honestly, these latter teen favorites could star in a two-minute movie of themselves singing "Wake Me Up Before You Go Go" and still triumph.  Yet there was a time when you could at least have fun watching them pass out the golden popcorn.  Sadly, it seems even the entertainment aspect of the show has finally gasped its last breath.

The first indication of this tragic truth came in the choice of Mike Myers as the host.  If there was any doubt that he has completely lost his comedic touch, that was laid to rest during his excruciating hosting gig.  When not shamelessly promoting The Love Guru, he managed to make nearly every introduction uncomfortably unfunny and sucked any bit of hilarity out of his pre-filmed shorts (which were not, in one more sign of grave error, the trademark movie parodies that used to provide most of the show's comedy but spotlights on behind-the-scenes players of Myers' own design).  Even the surprise return of his beloved Wayne's World skit (Dana Carvey was resurrected for the bit) wasn't what it should have been.  Myers inexplicably rushed through the sketch, clumsily throwing in recycled material along the way.  If the man can't even play Wayne Campbell, the character that got him started, anymore, clearly his time is over.

The show's next terrible mistake was an appallingly poorly executed introduction to the Best Summer Movie So Far award.  James Franco and Seth Rogen were the presenters and, to promote their stoner caper Pineapple Express, proceeded to pull out a bag of fake weed, which they then "smoked."  Normally, this would have been at least somewhat amusing, but to appease the FCC the cameras pulled back into the farthest audience ranks, prompting many (myself included) to wonder why they even planned this bit.  However, it became downright distasteful when the camera went to Robert Downey, Jr. for a reaction shot.  The poor guy registered profound confusion at this spotlight and, worse still, had to go accept the award with Jon Favreau for Iron Man shortly thereafter.  Was it really necessary to take a potshot at such a genuinely talented actor who has finally overcome his struggle with substance abuse?  C'mon, MTV, you've got to have a little more class than that.  

Downey was, however, one of the show's few bright spots.  When not gracefully handling that disgusting druggie joke, he managed to be absolutely hilarious in a "viral video" with his Tropic Thunder co-stars Ben Stiller and Jack Black.  Here, MTV finally exhibited some exceptional parodying of the trio that was, though gutsy, not offensive.  You can check it out for yourself here:

Jack Black, Ben Stiller & Robert Downey, Jr. at 2008 MTV Movie Awards from Robert Downey Jr

Other moments of note, due to sheer awfulness: Best Kiss goes to Step Up 2 the Streets and Best Fight goes to Never Back Down.  I was unaware that anyone had even seen these movies.  I guess you should never underestimate the power of one devoted fan, when given unlimited voting.  Maybe that's why Superbad left with absolutely nothing.  I mean, seriously?  Its leads lose Best Male Performance to Will Smith in I Am Legend??  It loses Best Movie to Transformers???  The latter just proves what I have long suspected: Michael Bay is the Antichrist.

All snide remarks aside, it's sad to see an awards show that was once genuinely entertaining (a true rarity) slip into such decline.  I may not be speaking for everyone here, but I used to look forward to the MTV Movie Awards, back when the show's best parody actually used to be a source of debate.  Now, however, we have a show that is neither funny nor credible, but rather a horrible trainwreck that has become meaningless to the fans it supposedly represents.