A Perfect Day Composed of Movie Scenes

Oh man. I just had to change my tagline to "the ravings of a mildly obsessive 19-year-old cinephile." I know I'm the baby of my group of friends, but I feel kinda old.

Anyway, I have a pretty spectacular post for you guys today, though I can't take credit for the awesome idea behind it. One of imdb's daily links back in the summer was to a blog called Misfortune Cookie, which featured the blogger's perfect day, made up of movie scenes. I had started coming up with one of my own, but gave up after making it halfway through. Then I forgot about it. Until now! Keep in mind that what I ended up with was a vague interpretation of the concept; some of the scenes are not featured exactly as they appear in the movie. Also, I gave myself a job as a convenient story device. And now, I am proud to present my movie-inspired fantasy day, which is likely to scare you all with its length and detail...

My day would start off with me waking up from a wonderful dream a lot like the amazingly absurd half of Big Fish.  I would check my mailbox only to discover that someone had stuffed it with orange Tic-Tacs.  Armed with fresh breath and an outfit somewhat inspired by Audrey Hepburn's famous Breakfast at Tiffany's ensemble, I'd then take to the city streets.  Eventually I'd end up at my magazine job, where I'd swap fast talk with my editor, who bears an uncanny resemblance to Cary Grant from His Girl Friday.  It's soon time for lunch though, so I decide to steal Cameron's dad's car and zoom down the road to the Star Wars theme.  But oh no, some evil guys are after me!  Luckily, like Popeye Doyle in The French Connection, I know how to pull off an awesome car chase scene and lose them. However, I wreck the car in the process.  And who should pull up right then but Gregory Peck on a Vespa. Since I'm out of a mode of transportation and already dressed a little like Audrey Hepburn, I accept his offer for a ride and we tour the city.  We both have to get back to our journalistic jobs though, so he drops me off a few blocks from my office building.  

As I walk back to my job, I see Nicolas Cage trying to decode some historic monument, and I punch him in the face.

I'm really running late now, but notice Aldous Snow filming his music video for "We've Got to Do Something." How can I turn down the chance to hold up one of those hilarious contradictory messages of progress? I'm thinking mine says something like "Shun Ignorance" or "Don't Sell Your Soul; Lease It to the World." After avoiding Aldous's creepy advances, I rush back to work, but it's already closing time when I reach the building. It's a good thing Cary Grant likes me so much, or I'd be fired. Hold on, what's this? Is that a news team rumble I seem forming outside? Ron Burgundy and his friends mean business, but one look at my trident and they scatter (where I got a trident is not important).   

A beat-up yellow VW bus then pulls up, and I join the fantastically dysfunctional Hoover family.  After helping Dwayne deal with his teenage angst, motivating Olive and giving Frank a hug, I hop out in front of the courthouse, where I'm just in time to rule in favor of Ted Kramer for the custody battle (this is a fantasy - I can be a judge with absolutely no legal background if I want to). That last part may seem like an especially weird thing to include in my perfect day, and actually rewrites the entire scene, but anytime I get to make Dustin Hoffman happy is a good day for me.

The last significant thing I do during this ridiculous 24 hours is hit up a nearby concert, featuring a line-up of only the best movie bands ever.  The Blues Brothers, Sonic Death Monkey from High Fidelity, Billy Mack from Love Actually, Dr. Fünke's 100% Natural Good Time Family Band Solution (that may be TV, but how the hell can I not include it?) - they're all there.  After the outstanding show has ended, I head back to wherever it is I'm living and go to bed, exhausted from the day's action.

The Most Motivational Movie Mash-Up Ever

Winter break has finally arrived and so, just as I promised, I've returned to rant and rave about all things film. I have to admit, there were a few times when I thought I wouldn't make it back to you guys. Luckily though, I lived to blog another day and I couldn't be happier about it.

I know not all of you are finished with finals yet and could probably use a pep talk, so I thought it only appropriate to share with you on my first post back "40 Motivational Speeches In 2 Minutes," a fantastic mash-up courtesy of the equally fantastic Best Week Ever blog. And here's a challenge to distract you from all that studying: how many movies can you spot? I'm counting 35...though three of those are just really strong guesses, so actually 32. Okay, and for another three I can't specify which film in the trilogy so true guess is 29. But didn't 35 sound impressive?

Everybody Loves Gary and Other Random Hollywood Musings

In the increasingly divisive world of movies, I’ve discovered one universal truth: everyone loves Gary Oldman.  Seriously, even the people who don’t quite know who he is love him.  In my experience, the words “Gary Oldman” can’t be uttered in a sentence without “awesome,” “amazing” or “badass.”  No one hates him.  It isn’t like Shia LaBeouf where most people are just so happy for that goofy Even Stevens kid, or Philip Seymour Hoffman’s tiny but devoted cult of fans.  People young and old, male and female, with both excellent and questionable taste in movies adore this guy.  Were some freak with a passionate loathing for Mr. Oldman to actually emerge, I don’t see others being alarmed and offended as much as completely puzzled.  How can you hate someone so cool, talented, and sometimes even terrifying? 

Speaking of cool actors, I love Clive Owen.  The problem is I don’t always remember him.  By that I don’t mean I literally can’t place the name with the face, but rather I often forget about his existence.  See usually, I seek out a few movies by a certain actor after I’ve decided I like him or her.  But, except for Children of Men, every time I watched one of his movies, I thought “Hey, Clive Owen’s in this!” only after his face popped up on screen.  I really don’t understand this phenomenon; Clive’s so suave, tough and British (do you see why I was initially pissed that Daniel Craig and not Clive was the new Bond?).  If those traits aren’t memorable, what is?

Now for something topical.  The new Revolutionary Road trailer has to be the single most serious preview I’ve ever seen.  The music alone makes it unbelievably somber and foreboding, but this is one trailer where I can’t find a shred of silver lining in the clips.  The impression I’m getting is that, should you see this movie, expect to spend the rest of the day questioning your life’s happiness and alternatively sleeping and crying.  So can someone please tell me why I’m so excited for it?  Oh, right.  Leo and Kate and Sam Mendes.  In one movie.  Can I watch it now?  

Finally, why isn't Neil Patrick Harris in more movies? I've only seen Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog and almost all of How I Met Your Mother, but already I can't get enough of him.  At least let him host the 2009 Emmys.  The show would be infinitely better than this year's nightmare.  'Cause you know, whenever Neil Patrick Harris feels like doing a soul-crushingly bad job at hosting, he is just awesome instead.  True story.

A Tale of Two Trailers

Wow.  That hiatus didn’t last long.

Now, before you all start your rowdy celebrations, keep in mind this isn’t going to be KMDB full throttle (and by that I in no way mean to associate myself with that weak Charlie’s Angels sequel).  I’ll still be writing shorter and infrequent posts, but consider me back in business.  I guess I just don’t know how to quit you guys.

That was terrible.  I apologize.

Anyway, my first order of business is to share a new(ish) trailer.  I was pretty shocked that I had managed to avoid news about this movie until now, but Rian Johnson, the writer and director of Brick, is coming out with a new film this December: The Brothers Bloom.  If you weren’t already excited for his follow-up (like me), his impressive cast may draw your attention.  The movie stars Adrien Brody and Mark Ruffalo as two con-men (and brothers) whose latest (and supposedly last) target is a kooky heiress, played by Rachel Weisz.  Rinko Kikuchi, of Babel fame, also stars as the brothers’ explosive expert Bang Bang.  The names alone had me psyched out of my mind, but it looks like a genuinely fun action adventure with a good bit of comedy mixed in.  And it releases just two days before my birthday, so to all of my Maryland friends: this is most likely what I’ll be dragging you to.

I was also fortunate enough to have attended a free advanced screening of Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist a few days ago.  Most of you probably know about my love for Michael Cera, so I may be biased, but I thought it was ridiculously adorable, and very funny.  The main cast does a great job on its own (Cera even manages to be a little more confident than usual), but also look out for some excellent cameos by a few SNL players.  Just in case you’ve somehow missed the trailer, here it is again.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead waiting in my DVD player.  Peace out, bean sprout. 

So Long, Farewell, Auf Wiedersehen, Adieu

Hello again, my fellow movie fanatics. I write today with unfortunate news. Having just completed my first week back at college, it's pretty apparent that this blog is going to be slowing down for a good couple months. Don't worry, this isn't goodbye forever; there's always next summer, and winter break. Who knows? I may even manage a brief post or two in between reading a bunch of names I could never hope to pronounce in my Russian history book, and my hours locked up in the graphics lab.

Before I sign off though, I wanted to publicize Rain of Madness, the new Tropic Thunder mockumentary. Made by fictional filmmaker Jan Jürgen (played by one of the summer hit's co-writers, Justin Theroux), it gives us a hilarious behind-the-scenes look at the satirical movie-within-a-movie. There's a discussion of PPDD (Post Platoon Distress Disorder - even Robin Williams has suffered it), Brookyln's breakout ad for erectile dysfunction, some inspired script rewrites by Tugg Speedman and, best of all, more of Kirk Lazarus getting into character.

Not only does Rain of Madness offer 30 minutes of sheer brilliance, it's FREE. Seriously, what have you got to lose? (If, however, you need more convincing, check out the official website here. There's tons of clips and diary entries from Jan, as well as links to the fictional actors' official sites. Their latest movie trailers - including, yes, Satan's Alley - are promised soon.)

I hope the hilarity of Rain of Madness makes up for my absence (along with pseudo-rhymes). You guys have nothing to worry about though, because really, we're like Billy Crystal and Meg Ryan in When Harry Met Sally or West Side Story's Tony and Maria. Ultimately, nothing - bad timing, parents, gang violence, mutual hatred - can keep us apart.

Coming Soon to a Computer Near You

YouTube has given us so much in just a few years. Chocolate Rain. Potter Puppet Pals. Learn to Speak Body, Volume 5.

One of my most recently discovered YouTube treasures is recut movie trailers. Ever wonder what The Silence of the Lambs would be like as a romantic comedy (and honestly who hasn't?) or Toy Story as a horror movie? The great people on YouTube have already done it for you - edits, music, voiceover and all. Sure, some users go a little too crazy with the text/graphics, but it's not hard to find some absolute masterpieces.

A few of these reimagined films just need to be shared with the world, so I've gathered 5 of YouTube's best recuts for your viewing pleasure. I pre-apologize if I instill an irrational fear of any childhood icons, or a newfound fondness for certain cinematic psychopaths.

1. Mary Poppins

This was one of the first recuts I watched, and is still one of the best I've seen. (I have to give credit to my friend and Scene It? rival Adam for showing me it.) Making Mary Poppins, or just Julie Andrews, scary is not easy. Yet I'm terrified of that ever-cheerful woman each time I watch this. Really makes you wonder what else she was hiding in that bottomless bag of hers...

2. The Shining

Credit must also go to Adam for finding this fake trailer. In it, we see Stanley Kubrick's sadly unrealized potential in romantic comedies. Whoever made this has a gift, because he or she managed to turn some of the movie's creepiest scenes into cute, harmless family moments. (Be sure to watch who Jack Nicholson is kissing.) The song selection of "Solsbury Hill" by Peter Gabriel is also excellent, even if that man's continued presence in romantic comedies has always puzzled me. I mean, it's only his music cropping up in John Cusack movies, but he's pretty strange. (Exhibit A)

Sorry for the random tangent. Here you go.

3. Sleepless in Seattle

A lonely single woman tries desperately to contact a widower after merely hearing his son speak on a radio show. Sounds like the perfect set-up to a stalker thriller, right? That's what the maker(s) of this video thought, even if most people saw it as one of the greatest romances of all time. Here, Meg Ryan, the essential romantic comedy heroine, has eerily morphed into Glenn Close, circa Fatal Attraction. Tom Hanks already had reason to be scared (I know I'd be a little wary of her often irritating "charm"), but in this context, he oughta be running for his life to the nearest Zoltar machine, deserted island or Polar Express train.

4. Taxi Driver
Like The Shining's Jack Torrance, Travis Bickle is not the most well-adjusted guy. While that might be the understatement of the century, it's worth noting because, through the wonders of this recut's editing, he appears to be the Prince Charming of Manhattan. I mean, just look at that freeze frame! Also like my previous pick, this trailer features hysterical music choices and more cheerful readings of some of the film's darkest moments. Now if only they could've revamped Jodie Foster as the couple's wild, yet endearing, foster child...

5. The Big Lebowski

The Big Lebowski doesn't have much of a middle ground: most people love its quirky humor or hate its downright bizarre story. But we can probably all agree that it's a little out there. It's all the more impressive, then, that someone made it into a surprisingly convincing tearjerker trailer (and with a brief appearance by John Turturro's Jesus Quintana, nonetheless). I will warn anyone who has yet to see the movie that there's a bit of a spoiler, but for those that have seen it (or could care less about the story), enjoy:

If you're craving more, be sure to check out these fantastic recuts that just barely missed the list: The Usual Suspects, Dumb and Dumber, Office Space, Rain Man and The Matrix. Oh and don't forget the Toy Story and Silence of the Lambs trailers I mentioned in the intro.

And the Oscar Goes to...Really?

February 2009 is a long way away, but you wouldn’t know it from the crazy Oscar buzz already in full swing. Well, at least the Oscar buzz surrounding Christopher Nolan’s smash success The Dark Knight. The star of this media frenzy is of course Heath Ledger, aka the darkest, most demented Joker this side of Gotham City. Could he be the second actor in history to win a posthumous Academy Award? While his performance is certainly stunning, and slightly reminiscent of the only actor in history to achieve this honor (okay, Peter Finch’s character in Network isn’t exactly a psychotic, clown-faced criminal but the underlying more-sane-than-he-seems theme is apparent in both) it’s still pretty early to say. Any potential Best Picture, Director, Screenplay or general special effects nominations/wins are even tougher to call.

That definitely hasn’t stopped people from talking about it, though. Amidst this ceaseless conversation, many have raised once again the call for more “popular” movies to be included in the Academy Awards. However, what most people don’t seem to realize is that not only is popularity a huge factor in winning an Oscar, it usually doesn’t yield the best results.

To prove my point, let’s examine some past Best Picture winners. Last year, the seemingly anti-Hollywood Coen brothers triumphed with their dark thriller No Country for Old Men. The ironic thing is just how Hollywood this choice was. Many people, myself included, believed the smaller Paul Thomas Anderson drama There Will Be Blood deserved the title. But who really saw that? Not a lot of people, at least by Hollywood standards. While TWBB's $40.2 million domestic gross was probably more than was expected, it looks pretty shameful next to No Country's $74.3 million. And despite its glowing reviews (some even compared it to Citizen Kane and Giant), many were put off by the movie. Too weird, too confusing or too radical for the 2008 BP. As for the other nominees, Juno was too quirky to win (the Academy still needs to maintain its austere respectability), Atonement, despite being a critic darling, also underperformed at the box office (only $50.9 million) and Michael Clayton was seen by even less people (roughly $49 million). No County thus pleased the general public and critics, making it the safest choice for the Academy.

(For the record, I’m not saying No Country is without merit. Javier Bardem absolutely earned his Best Supporting Actor win, and the suspense was executed marvelously. But I gotta say it: that ending was awful. For a lesson on adapting a tricky book finale well, see Atonement.)

The year before that had almost the exact same set-up, with the Coen brothers’ older counterpart Martin Scorsese taking home the gold for The Departed, his most commercially successful movie ever. Now, I truly believe this win was justified, but why would the Academy finally wake up and give Marty an Oscar after snubbing him in favor of, among several others, Kevin freakin’ Costner? The answer’s simple: he finally made a bonafide crowd pleaser.

I’m sure the pattern’s already becoming apparent, so I’ll save my rant on how Crash isn’t half the movie Capote or Good Night, and Good Luck is. But I’ll bet a lot of you are thinking “Kristin, those movies that won were still pretty good. What’s the real harm?” Well, allow me to jump back a little over a decade. The year was 1997 and the movie was Titanic, the now current (albeit perhaps not for long) record holder for domestic gross. This epic love story walked away with a whopping 11 Academy Awards, a fact that countless people lament today. While I do think Titanic gets a tad bit more grief than it deserves, it’s impossible to argue that it was an 11 Oscars movie in retrospect. Yet Oscar critics constantly point to this embarrassment as the award show done right. Sure, it pulled in a much bigger audience than the Academy currently boasts, but at what cost?

Don’t go thinking Titanic was the only case of a popular yet less-than-Oscar-worthy movie to clean up at the Academy Awards, either. For more evidence, see Rocky (1976 BP winner; losing nominees include Taxi Driver and Network), Forrest Gump (1994 BP winner; losing nominees include Pulp Fiction and The Shawshank Redemption), Chicago (2002 BP winner; losing nominees include Gangs of New York and The Pianist), and Ghost (1990 Best Supporting Actress win for Whoopi Goldberg; losing nominees include Lorraine Bracco in Goodfellas), among many others. Oh and I discovered this gem in my research: Julia Roberts was nominated for an Academy Award for her groundbreaking work in Pretty Woman.

The Pulitzer people would never give James Patterson any serious consideration, despite his being one of the most wildly successful authors alive. So why do we constantly complain that the Academy is condescending and out-of-touch? The Oscars are already all about politics and popularity. If we push them any further, we may one day find ourselves yearning for the years when a sinking ship or an anorexic Renee Zellweger reigned supreme at the Academy Awards.