Actors That Need to Be Saved from Themselves, Professionally: John Cusack

Before I get to the second installment of "Actors That Need to Be Saved from Themselves, Professionally," I thought I'd mention a few things. First: the Emmy people actually (sorta) listened to me! I was happy enough that Elisabeth Moss, Jane Krakowski and -- although they weren't on my official list -- Tracy Morgan and Jack MacBrayer made it. But the Emmy people didn't stop there. Jon Hamm got not one, but two Emmy nods! I guess the voters loved his turn as the too-pretty-for-his-own-good Dr. Drew Baird just as much as I did. If only he could have been nominated for his completely deserving SNL hosting gig, too. Then again, three occasions to see his way too handsome face on the five-way-split screen? He might have caused another plane crash.

As much as I enjoyed those Emmy choices, there was one glaring error that has not stopped bothering me. How the hell did Jemaine Clement get a nod for Flight of the Conchords while his partner in crime Bret McKenzie got nothing? As Seth Meyers and Amy Poehler would say...really? You finally decide to nominate Flight of the Conchords, after a significantly weaker season, but you can only spare one nod for lead actor? Charlie Sheen and Tony Shaloub made the cut again, but Bret couldn't? Are you trying to make this lovable duo hate each other? If you make Bret cry (and it hasn't just been raining on his face), I swear to god, I will sick Albi the Racist Dragon and a pack of epileptic dogs on your sorry ass.

Anyway, back to someone who needs a little more attention: John Cusack. The man whom Chuck Klosterman claims any woman born between the years of 1965 and 1978 would "sell her soul to share a milkshake with" has been suffering a pretty lackluster career lately. His last string of movies -- including The Contract, Igor, Martian Child, Grace Is Gone and War, Inc. -- all bombed or disappointed. His next big movie is the disaster epic 2012, which looks pretty craptastic. The last genuinely amazing movie of his I've seen was back in 2000 (though 2003's Identity was enjoyable) and the last movie of his that people truly cared about was in 2001. What happened to the former '80s heartthrob turned interesting and/or charming leading man?

Truth be told, John Cusack has always been a little hit or miss when it comes to his script choices. Looking at his IMDB filmography, there's a startling mixture of movies I liked or at least recognize (High Fidelity, Being John Malkovich, Grosse Point Blank, etc.) and movies even the Internet has largely forgotten (I'm unconvinced that This Is My Father and The Jack Bull are actual movies). I guess Cusack's precarious track record was finally compromised. Mid-life crisis? Bad agent? Who knows, but he needs to fix it.

Luckily, this is one "Actors That Need to Be Saved from Themselves, Professionally" that has a (likely) happy ending. And it's all thanks to four magical words: Hot Tub Time Machine. I'm not talking about my ideal mode of time travel transportation -- I'm talking about a movie. A 100% real movie, starring John Cusack, called Hot Tub Time Machine. Now, instinct tells me that this will be the greatest movie ever made, but reason (that dumb whore) tells me that this could end up being a moronic bore rather than campy excellence. So I'm not going to close Cusack's file just yet, but he's one of the few "ATNTBSFTP" cases I'm optimistic about.

Besides, even if Hot Tub Time Machine ends up bombing, it's nice to see John Cusack returning to his '80s roots. I said it once and I'll say it again: whoever says Say Anything... is Cusack's best '80s movie has clearly never seen Better Off Dead. For evidence, see below.

The Emmy Ballot of Champions

Yes, I know, that says Emmy. Not Oscar or Golden Globe, Emmy. I've been trying to stick to movie topics, but Emmy nomination season makes it really tough. I'm forced to sit helpless as various commentators pick the nominees and mystical, unpredictable voters actually decide them. I was in the middle of sulking when I remembered, "Hey! I have a blog, like thousands of other losers, that ten people read. I can make a difference!" So I decided to make my own Emmy ballot, though really it's more of an extended FYC post. Thing is, I don't see nearly enough TV to make a fair ballot, so instead I honor the following actors because they're awesome. You'll notice some show biases, but hey, we've all got them. Plus that just means you should really get into these shows. 

I know you may be wary of my opinion, as I've yet to prove myself as any kind of TV (pseudo-)authority, so I'll just put this out there: I have an amazing track record of converting people to my shows. I'm probably at least somewhat responsible for 1/3 of my high school's The Office-watching population, and just this year I bagged four Mad Men enthusiasts. It may be that, like Andy Bernard, I possess the ability to slowly -- and painfully -- wear someone down, but I'd like to think that I have good taste in TV. So hopefully you'll bear with me on this break with blog tradition, for I'm proud to present KMDB's 2009 (kind of) Emmy ballot!

BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR IN A COMEDY

Neil Patrick Harris - How I Met Your Mother

Neil Patrick Harris, or NPH as he is affectionately known, is pretty much perfection personified. (How do you like that alliteration?) He's not only musically and magically talented, but unbelievably funny. And I mean unbelievably. Just listening to Barney's excited giggle in "Sorry, Bro" had me dying, so let's not even get started on the Naked Man or his depicted rave outfit. I know I've previously declared Dev Patel the world's most adorable person, but NPH is a very close second -- even when he's playing the world's biggest skeeze.

Chi McBride - Pushing Daisies

It isn't easy being a gruff PI in such whimsical outfits. I mean, shit, Chuck Bass would envy some of this guy's patterns (though Chuck still holds the distinction of creating what I desperately hope is the new official uniform of the NBA). That said, Chi McBride makes it work. He's a necessary and wonderful foil against all the chipper Pushing Daisies characters who still has his fair share of aww moments. For evidence, see the entire "Water and Power" episode. He's just a big teddy bear! In all honesty though, two of the things I'll miss most about this tragically deceased show are his antagonistic relationship with Dead Girl and hearing the name Emerson Cod enunciated with relish by Jim Dale.

Honorable Mention: Bill Hader for Saturday Night Live 

BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR IN A DRAMA

Michael Emerson - Lost

Because it's been four seasons, and I still never know what the hell Ben is up to. He tricks me into thinking he might not be pure evil every damn time. Also, as Dan Hopper at the Best Week Ever blog points out, he got beat up a lot this year. The least we can do is give him an Emmy.

Jeremy Davies/Terry O'Quinn/Josh Holloway - Lost

Clearly I don't watch as many dramas as comedies. Still, each of these guys had dynamic seasons. Sawyer shaved and lost some sass, Daniel Faraday manically tried to fix the island's time jumping and Locke dealt with that whole being dead thing. None easy tasks, but these three excelled. As much as I'm pulling for them though, I would be happy with any nods for the exceptional Lost cast. That even includes the non-stop bitchfest that is Matthew Fox.

BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS IN A COMEDY

Kristin Chenoweth - Pushing Daisies

The picture says it all. While the Pushing Daisies cast is far from weak, Kristin Chenoweth is hands down the funniest of the bunch. Whether hanging out in a nunnery, pondering Ned's use of the double negative or singing "Hello" by Lionel Ritchie, she always finds a way to make you smile...even when she's pitifully pining over Ned.

Jane Krakowski - 30 Rock

Alright, confession time: it took me a very long time to get into 30 Rock. Even after the entire first season I still wasn't completely sold, but I was always a fan of the supporting cast, especially Jane Krakowski. In fact, the first time I really remember laughing was when Jenna told Liz how she was going to "use her sexuality" to evade unemployment.  This season was probably her best yet, and she was the star of my favorite subplot: the disastrous Janis Joplin biopic (eventually dubbed "Jackie Jormp-Jormp" due to copyright issues). Her delusions and desperation were as wild and hysterical as ever, as evidenced by...well, here, see for yourself:

BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS IN A DRAMA

Elisabeth Moss - Mad Men

Many people maintain that Elisabeth Moss got her SAG nomination solely for her emotional scene with Vincent Kartheiser in the Mad Men season two finale. That mesmerizing encounter may be enough to clinch her an Emmy nod, but her amazing work all season long makes it a near necessity. Though each and every Mad Men character is endlessly fascinating, Peggy is probably the most interesting one (well, apart from Don Draper, of course). I’m never quite sure what’s going on in her head. This season put her in a bunch of unusual situations, ranging from a promotion to some ambiguous encounters with a priest (no, not in that way). Moss rose to the occasion in each of them, channeling everything from shame to smug satisfaction to barely restrained devastation.

Christina Hendricks - Mad Men

I know, I know. Two Mad Men shout-outs in a row? Seems like overkill, especially after my Lost double-header. Trust me though, this show really is as incredible as all the critics say. What especially impresses me is the great roles this show writes for women, and the remarkable actresses who embody them. Joan has always been a character whose confidence and -- let's be honest -- bitchiness was just fun to watch, yet she showed a completely different side this season in light of her engagement. I don't want to spoil anything, so I'll just say this: Joan's most crucial scene this season makes Peggy's tearjerker look like a picnic in the park.

Look out for part 2, featuring the lead actors, sometime in the not-so-distant future!

Everybody Loves Gary and Other Random Hollywood Musings

In the increasingly divisive world of movies, I’ve discovered one universal truth: everyone loves Gary Oldman.  Seriously, even the people who don’t quite know who he is love him.  In my experience, the words “Gary Oldman” can’t be uttered in a sentence without “awesome,” “amazing” or “badass.”  No one hates him.  It isn’t like Shia LaBeouf where most people are just so happy for that goofy Even Stevens kid, or Philip Seymour Hoffman’s tiny but devoted cult of fans.  People young and old, male and female, with both excellent and questionable taste in movies adore this guy.  Were some freak with a passionate loathing for Mr. Oldman to actually emerge, I don’t see others being alarmed and offended as much as completely puzzled.  How can you hate someone so cool, talented, and sometimes even terrifying? 

Speaking of cool actors, I love Clive Owen.  The problem is I don’t always remember him.  By that I don’t mean I literally can’t place the name with the face, but rather I often forget about his existence.  See usually, I seek out a few movies by a certain actor after I’ve decided I like him or her.  But, except for Children of Men, every time I watched one of his movies, I thought “Hey, Clive Owen’s in this!” only after his face popped up on screen.  I really don’t understand this phenomenon; Clive’s so suave, tough and British (do you see why I was initially pissed that Daniel Craig and not Clive was the new Bond?).  If those traits aren’t memorable, what is?

Now for something topical.  The new Revolutionary Road trailer has to be the single most serious preview I’ve ever seen.  The music alone makes it unbelievably somber and foreboding, but this is one trailer where I can’t find a shred of silver lining in the clips.  The impression I’m getting is that, should you see this movie, expect to spend the rest of the day questioning your life’s happiness and alternatively sleeping and crying.  So can someone please tell me why I’m so excited for it?  Oh, right.  Leo and Kate and Sam Mendes.  In one movie.  Can I watch it now?  

Finally, why isn't Neil Patrick Harris in more movies? I've only seen Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog and almost all of How I Met Your Mother, but already I can't get enough of him.  At least let him host the 2009 Emmys.  The show would be infinitely better than this year's nightmare.  'Cause you know, whenever Neil Patrick Harris feels like doing a soul-crushingly bad job at hosting, he is just awesome instead.  True story.