The Obligatory [Post-]Oscar Post

I apologize that this post is so late, everyone. I know I probably sound extremely dated by this point, but on the off chance that you're reading this and either: a) didn't see the Oscars, b) did but still haven't tired from the coverage or c) specifically asked about my post-Oscars post (hey Jen!), here is my recap of the 81st Annual Academy Awards.

Overall impression? Yawn. Don't get me wrong, I was really happy with most of the wins, but it was all so predictable. You know it's a dull show when the only major upset is in the Best Foreign Language Film category. 

So let's get to the high points, shall we? First and foremost, the Academy wisely decided not to turn Kate Winslet into the new Martin Scorsese and gave her a damn Oscar. I shrieked a little when it happened, not gonna lie. I also thought her speech was great, and very endearing. Whose heart didn't melt when she reacted to her dad's whistle? Or when she said "Well it's not a shampoo bottle now"? I guess her supposedly dramatic Golden Globes speech didn't hurt her in the least, so all you critical (read: stuffy and heartless) British journalists can shove it. 

I'm happy to say I was pleasantly surprised by Judd Apatow's comedy bit with Seth Rogen and James Franco. Personally I thought Pineapple Express was a disappointment, but this sketch was pretty hilarious. It's hard to pick a favorite part; there's the two stoners laughing hysterically at The Reader, Franco confusing Robert Downey Jr. with Barack Obama and even Saving Private Ryan director of photography Janusz Kaminski hanging out/cuddling with the pair. But I'd probably go with the moment where James Franco watches himself in Milk.  

Speaking of Milk, how about screenwriter Dustin Lance Black's speech? Call me a sap, but I thought that was the most touching Oscar speech I've ever heard. I almost cried, and this is coming from a person who has probably shed a tear at no more than 10 movies in her lifetime. The Academy has certainly come a long way since 2005, when it didn't have the guts to give the Best Picture Oscar to Brokeback Mountain.

I was also really happy with the Slumdog (almost) sweep. I know the backlash against it is now in full swing, but I still freakin' love that movie. If nothing else, the Oscars satisfied my insatiable need to see the cast and Danny Boyle at all times. They're the happiest people on earth (for good reason), and seeing them you just can't help but smile too. My only question is where was the exact replication of the Bollywood dance from the credits?

Because, let's be honest, it would have been a gajillion times better than that ode to the musical that Hugh Jackman and Beyonce led. There were way too many songs in there, which caused a lot of classics to get stiffed about five bars. Plus the performers really weren't that impressive. Boring maybe, but not impressive. If Vanessa Hudgens and Zac Efron are the ones bringing the musical back, as Jackman declared, then I want no part of this revival.

Lastly, even though the Academy fulfilled my Kate Winslet and Slumdog Millionaire requests and even though I knew this was coming, it pains me that The Curious Case of Benjamin Button is now an Oscar winner. The inevitable proclamations on the DVD cover are likely to turn me into Bruce Banner, so please be warned and hide any copies once they're released.

Best Week Ever? Well, Parts of It...

Normally, I wouldn't write extensively about three unrelated, basic entertainment news blurbs from a random week.  Half the time it's stuff that everyone else already knows and it can get really boring, really quickly.  Heck, I'm boring myself writing this.  But the movie news from the past few days produced so many extreme mood swings in me that I felt it necessary to discuss the latest at least for my own peace of mind, if not also for the benefit of my (5) readers.  So strap yourselves in guys, because you're in for one crazy emotional roller coaster of a current events analysis (and yes, I just used the term "emotional roller coaster").

I'll start with the news that just plain brightened my day.  It looks like the Arrested Development movie, after months of hearsay, is finally official.  Jeffrey Tambor essentially confirmed it on Saturday at the Hellboy 2 premiere, following an earlier MTV interview with Jason Bateman in which the former Michael Bluth said that the only thing holding back production was money.  I know a lot of AD fanatics are skeptical about adapting the series into a film, but Bateman stressed in his interview that Mitchell Hurwitz's script was made quite specifically for a movie, not consecutive TV episodes.  And dammit, I just can't help rejoicing that the Bluths will be together again.  Now as for those stingy producers, to quote Gob: COME ON!

One of imdb's daily links was my next source of happiness.  I'm speaking, of course, of the premiere of the Quantum of Solace trailer.  In true Bond fashion, it was highly cryptic, and highly exciting.  So many things ran through my head as I was watching it (Jeez, is Bond going full-out rogue?  And what's he doing in an arid valley with a big-ass gun?  Oh look, his poker buddy's back!) yet I couldn't even begin to guess what will actually take place.  Kudos to those trailer makers, because I'm officially pumped.  (For any unfortunate souls out there who missed it, here you go.)

Now onto the news that almost completely nullified my excitement over the last two reports (brace yourselves, here comes the full-on rant): Judd Apatow, in his infinite wisdom, is producing a movie that will star Sacha Baron Cohen (better known as Borat) and Will Ferrell as Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson, respectively.  All I can say to that is WHAT THE HELL?!  Honestly, were the casting people trying to piss off Sherlock Holmes fans?  Because if so, congratulations, I don't think there are any two actors (and I'm using the term loosely here) that could be worse for the parts.  I was already terrified that Guy Ritchie was going to cast Jason Statham as Holmes in his own project, but at this point I'll welcome that criminally-inclined pretty boy with open arms over Talladega Nights 2.

Granted, Cohen could at least look a little like Holmes, but this beloved character is known for his wit and subtle genius.  I don't think even the most extreme Cohen fan could argue that the man is subtle.  And Will Ferrell??  That choice is even more infuriating.  He hasn't had a decent movie (or a different character) since Stranger Than Fiction and, hate to say it, but from the looks of Step Brothers, it doesn't look like he'll be making a glorious comeback anytime soon.  True, he was surprisingly calm in Fiction, but having another outrageous comedian competing alongside him for audience attention is only going to make him more irritating and obnoxious.

Poor, poor Sir Arthur Conan Doyle.  Thank goodness he isn't alive to see this.  Unfortunately, I am, so excuse me while I go cry.

Comic Book Heroes, Steve Carell, and Shakespeare's Resurrection, Part 2

You didn't think I'd keep you waiting that long, did you?  Enjoy the rest of the list, and the first ever KMDB attached video!

3.  Get Smart (06/20)

Maybe it's just because, as a diehard fan of The Office, I adore Steve Carell (Alan Arkin is pretty cool, too).  Regardless, I think this may end up being the best comedy of the summer (since really, it only has two serious competitors, both of which appear on this list).  The original TV show is a little before my time, and I haven't managed to watch any reruns or DVD seasons, so I can't comment on the validity of the casting choices and premise.  If it's anything like Peter Sellers' brilliant Pink Panther series though, which I strongly suspect it is, we're in for one hilarious spy spoof.

4.  The Dark Knight (07/18)

Even before Heath Ledger's tragic and shocking demise, I remember seeing this trailer and getting goosebumps.  Sure, Ledger had credibility as an actor, but this I simply could not believe.  As I became absorbed in his eerie voiceover and creepy face paint, I had to keep reminding myself that this was the Australian heartthrob who won the unconditional love of my generation's female audience by singing a Four Seasons song with a marching band.  It was pretty damn near impossible to maintain this perspective, as I'm sure you all know.  By the trailer's end (and after getting over my initial stunned paralysis), I had already made a mental note of July 18th on my calendar.  You can imagine my devastation, then, when I later learned that I'd be overseas during its release (as much as I'm looking forward to Paris).  So if you happen to see a crazed girl with luggage dashing through the movie theater on, say, the 27th or so, don't forget to say hi.

5.  Hamlet 2 (08/27 - limited)

This comedy features a song called "Rock Me, Sexy Jesus" and is, indeed, about a sequel to what is perhaps Shakespeare's most famous tragedy (written by a high school drama teacher).  Need I say more?

Honorable Mention: Pineapple Express (08/08)

I have to admit, when I saw the early ads for the latest Judd Apatow project (though he only produces this one; in fact, he hasn't directed anything since Knocked Up, contrary to what almost every comedy since then has led us to believe) my mild curiosity was overcome by a strong skepticism.  However, if my recent funnyordie.com binges have taught me anything, it's that James Franco is one hilarious guy.  Check out the first episode of his "Acting with James Franco" series for evidence: