Sherlock Holmes Watch, Continued

Keep it together....keep it together. You can do this. It's only two minutes and 22 seconds of Robert Downey, Jr. with a British accent playing one of your favorite literary characters ever. It's only funny and action-packed and dripping with awesome sauce. Wait, what the hell is awesome sauce? I'm getting delirious. Okay, okay, back on track. This is not a big deal. Not a big deal. It's not like it ends on an absurd and hilarious zinger. It's not like Jude Law and Robert Downey, Jr. are perfect together. This movie is probably going to suck after all.

I didn't mean it!!! God strike me down for spewing such blasphemy! Who the hell am I kidding? I'm on the verge of tears/hyperventilation/a complete mental breakdown and I've only seen two minutes of this beautiful gift to humanity. I'm really starting to doubt that I'll have any semblance of sanity by the time this finally hits theaters.

I apologize to anyone reading this who isn't already obsessed with Sherlock Holmes, because you're going to be dealing with this for the rest of the year. Sorry.

The Seven Best Cameos Evah!

I've read a lot of "best cameos" lists, and somehow I always seem to have an issue with them. Either the author doesn't really understand the definition of a cameo role (if they have more than one scene, they're usually supporting characters) or they overlook some fantastic ones. Silly YouTube hasn't posted a lot of the ones I wanted to include, but here's a smattering of my favorite blink and you miss 'em performances.

Catherine Scorsese - Goodfellas

You probably wouldn't expect Martin Scorsese, the undisputed master of the mobster movie, to be very sentimental, but he put his parents Charles and Catherine in many of his films before their deaths in 1993 and 1997 (all together now: awww). Catherine provides one of Goodfellas' best comic scenes as Tommy's concerned Italian mother, who loans him a knife, shows off a painting and feeds three mobsters in the middle of one hectic night.

Kurt Vonnegut - Back to School

Anything with Kurt Vonnegut is an automatic win in my book. The guy could literally pop up for one second, say nothing and I'd be satisfied. Well, actually, that's basically what happens in this scene from Back to School, a little-known '80s Rodney Dangerfield movie. It's a pretty mediocre movie on its own, but considering it's got a cameo by a legend like Vonnegut, it skyrockets a bajillion and five points. Approximately.

Alice Cooper - Wayne's World

My first introduction to Alice Cooper was through Wayne's World, so before I ever heard "School's Out" or "I'm Eighteen," I knew him as the slightly scary guy with an impressive knowledge of Milwaukee. The whole Milwaukee segment of the movie is arguably the best part, from Cooper (and Chris Farley)'s cameos to Wayne and Garth's parody of Laverne and Shirley (the tail end of which starts this video). The following shtick was done several times on Saturday Night Live, such as when Wayne and Garth asked Aerosmith about U.S. relations with China, but with unhinged types like Cooper it's always gold.

Alfred Hitchcock - Lifeboat

Alfred Hitchcock practically invented the cameo, appearing in 39 of his 52 surviving movies. While he's normally just a man passing on the street, he had to get creative in Lifeboat, a movie which takes place on one set: a small boat. So what did he do? Put himself in a newspaper ad, of course:

Another one of his more original cameos came in Dial M for Murder, during which Hitchcock appears in a class reunion photo. The guy may have had some issues (weird phobia of eggs, fixation on blondes), but man did he know how to do a cameo.

Lance Armstrong - Dodgeball

David Hasselhoff makes a fantastic cameo in this movie as well, but you've got to give credit to Lance Armstrong. In addition to motivating Peter LeFleur (Vince Vaughn) to get back in the game, he does some great self-skewering. Plus there's that pitch-perfect closing line of "Good luck, Peter. I'm sure this decision won't haunt you forever."

Billy Idol - The Wedding Singer

In the climax to this cinematic ode to (often terrible) '80s fashion, hair and music, Billy Idol shows up to help Robbie (Adam Sandler) win Julia (Drew Barrymore) over. She's on her way to Vegas to marry Miami Vice-loving a-hole Glenn, so he's got his work cut out for him. Luckily, Billy Idol gets it, and not only introduces Robbie's cute song but, with some help from a fan and a stewardess, locks Glenn in the bathroom. The only thing that could have made this cameo even more awesome is if Idol sang "White Wedding" as Robbie and Julia walked down the aisle. Oh well, at least we got Steve Buscemi singing "True."

Bruce Springsteen - High Fidelity

The Boss gives relationship advice to John Cusack in this fantastic 2000 movie. Need I say more?

Okay, I will: I'm going to be bold here and say that, as far as John Cusack movies go, I vastly prefer High Fidelity (and the underrated '80s dark comedy Better Off Dead) to Say Anything. Nothing special if you ask me. 

*Hides from sharp objects pelted by 18- to 28-year-old women*

If YouTube had provided the videos, you'd also be watching Clive Owen in The Pink Panther (as Agent 006), coked-out Charlie Sheen in Ferris Bueller's Day Off, David Bowie in Zoolander and Billy Ray Cyrus in Mulholland Dr.

Let me repeat that: Billy Ray Cyrus makes a cameo in Mulholland Dr. You know, the movie with more psychoanalytic theory and article hits on Google Scholar than Sigmund Freud? Yeah, it has this guy in it. I'll just leave you all to think that one over...

BREAKING NEWS: Sherlock Holmes Poster!

Oh. My. God. Here I was just browsing movie posters, minding my own business, when I came across this:

To be honest, my first thought was "When did Sherlock Holmes turn into the Notorious B.I.G.?" but I'm a fan now. Guy Ritchie and the cast have made it pretty clear that this will be a more modern Sherlock Holmes story, so when you think about it this poster is actually brilliant. By combining present-day gangster images with old-timey pipes and ascots, the graphic designer/photographer has captured both the 19th and 21st century sensibilities of this movie...and made Sherlock Holmes a freakin' BAMF. 

I seriously cannot wait for Sherlock Holmes. The level of excitement I'm experiencing here is definitely unhealthy, and it's been stable since, oh, this time last year. Expect more alarming manifestations of my obsession as the release date gets closer, but for now I thought I'd settle for a cheesy MySpace countdown clock. I've never made one of these before, but if anything warrants it, it's Robert Downey, Jr. as Sherlock Holmes:

I'm really upset that it's opening Christmas day now, though. I hadn't checked the release date in a while, but I was totally planning on scaring the hell out of Robert Downey, Jr. at the London premiere while I'm abroad. I guess I'll just have to settle for a midnight showing at the Regal Theater, and plan to ambush RDJ some other time. So it goes.  

P.S. For those of you who haven't been rabidly devouring every single film still, here are the RDJ-tagged photo galleries from Just Jared. (In addition to five Sherlock Holmes galleries, there are Iron Man 2 stills, too!)

Most Likely to Succeed...in Musicals

After recently posting about how adorable Dev Patel and Fred Astaire are, you'd think I'd try to tone down the toxic levels of girliness this blog currently boasts. Maybe talk about G.I. Joe (why Joseph Gordon-Levitt, why??) or just something that's neither excessively macho nor stereotypically feminine. 

But nope, it's back to what Fred does best: musicals! 

With the limited time the last couple weeks of the semester are affording me, my musical class screenings are basically the only movies I've been able to watch. I did get to see Casino though, which only confirmed my sneaking suspicion that Martin Scorsese is kind of a genius. Who else could fit this song into a gangster epic?

Wow I need some Adderral. Getting back on track, I wanted to share some of my favorite musical moments by offering high school superlatives to six numbers. I'm kind of ripping off Michelle Collins at the Best Week Ever blog with this post, but I only do it out of love for her wonderful awards show superlatives. Hopefully I'll do them some amount of justice.

Best Use of Christopher Walken: "Let's Misbehave" from Pennies from Heaven

That title might not be the most fitting - when is using Christopher Walken not great? - but this number gets props for showing Walken's unexpectedly remarkable dance skills. While most people were introduced to Walken's dancing through the Fatboy Slim video "Weapon of Choice" in 2001, he was dancing long before that. He actually trained in musical theater before tackling dramas, and returned to his roots in the 1981 Steve Martin musical Pennies from Heaven. Sadly we never get to hear Walken sing - all the characters lip synch to recordings - but he plays a pimp who dances phenomenally. That's good enough for me.

  

Most Precious: "Isn't This a Lovely Day (to Be Caught in the Rain)?" from Top Hat

Okay, we all know I love Fred Astaire. Here's one of the many reasons why:

Worst Acid Trip You'll Ever Experience: "The Polka Dot Polka" from The Gang's All Here

Even Hunter S. Thompson would be wary of whatever the hell Busby Berkeley was on when he conceived this number. Apparently the legendary choreographer/dance director got his best ideas in the bathtub drinking martinis, and it definitely shows in this unbelievably strange number, from the already strange movie The Gang's All Here. I don't think any context is necessary, because even having seen the rest of the movie I had no idea what was going on. So before I leave you to "The Polka Dot Polka," I will just warn anyone who might already be under the influence to stay away. This will not be a pleasant experience for you.

Least Homo-erotic: "The Pirate Ballet" from The Pirate

Just watch.

Well, before you do that move to the 3:45 mark. Stupid YouTube took down the separate "Pirate Ballet" video.

Innuendo-iest: "Take Off With Us" from All That Jazz

All That Jazz is about a flagrant womanizer named Joe Gideon, so it only makes sense that he would choreograph the double entendre-filled "Take Off With Us." The number is staged as a dress rehearsal for the musical's backers, and is followed by "Air-otica," a far less subtle number that essentially says "fuck it" to all innuendo. I prefer its predecessor, though I really enjoyed every part of the movie. Am I weird for liking a musical with costumes like this that unironically features John Lithgow? Probably.

All That Jazz also gets Best Ray Charles Pun for the finale "Bye Bye Life." As much as I like it, it's super long, bizarre and would make no sense out of context so I'm not posting it. Anyone dying to watch it can hit up YouTube.

Most Awe-Inspiring Pinstripes: "The Boy Next Door" from Meet Me in St. Louis

Okay, this superlative has more to do with costuming than anything else, but it's still a great number. I hadn't seen a Judy Garland movie besides The Wizard of Oz before this class, but having now seen Meet Me in St. Louis, The Pirate and A Star Is Born, she's one of my new favorites. It's a shame her tragic personal life often overshadows her talent, because she's an amazing singer, as seen in this and countless other numbers. Anyway, if you couldn't already figure it out from the title, Judy is in love with her next-door neighbor. She also rocks a white bowtie and awesome pinstriped tennis outfit. Aaaand go: 

Eat Your Heart Out, Andre Bazin!

Alright, I have a serious intellectual case to make here.  Based on the Oscars, I am now prepared to present a new film theory I've been working on for the past few months. I don't mean to brag, but I think it's going to shake Hollywood even more so than Laura Mulvey's "Visual Pleasure in Narrative Cinema" (score two gratuitous film class references). Okay, are you ready? Here it goes: there is no one on the planet more adorable than Dev Patel.

  

I know that might not sound like a big deal coming from me. I do spend an awful lot of time talking about how adorable certain actors are. But this subject is not up for debate. In fact, screw that "theory" bullshit, this is LAW. Doubt me? Here's the proof:

Exhibit A: He likes little kids in a non-creepy way.

Exhibit B: He wears sweater vests.

Exhibit C: This picture.

Seriously, when this guy starts getting mobbed by girls, I'm not even going to feel sorry for him. You brought this on your unbelievably cute self, Dev!

For all you fans out there (a.k.a. every girl that saw Slumdog), here's another ten solid minutes of adorableness:

P.S. Just so all of you who aren't quite as nerdy about movies as I am can appreciate how bombastic - I mean brilliant - my comparisons to other theorists are, here's Andre Bazin's wikipedia page, as well as Laura Mulvey's. 

The Obligatory [Post-]Oscar Post

I apologize that this post is so late, everyone. I know I probably sound extremely dated by this point, but on the off chance that you're reading this and either: a) didn't see the Oscars, b) did but still haven't tired from the coverage or c) specifically asked about my post-Oscars post (hey Jen!), here is my recap of the 81st Annual Academy Awards.

Overall impression? Yawn. Don't get me wrong, I was really happy with most of the wins, but it was all so predictable. You know it's a dull show when the only major upset is in the Best Foreign Language Film category. 

So let's get to the high points, shall we? First and foremost, the Academy wisely decided not to turn Kate Winslet into the new Martin Scorsese and gave her a damn Oscar. I shrieked a little when it happened, not gonna lie. I also thought her speech was great, and very endearing. Whose heart didn't melt when she reacted to her dad's whistle? Or when she said "Well it's not a shampoo bottle now"? I guess her supposedly dramatic Golden Globes speech didn't hurt her in the least, so all you critical (read: stuffy and heartless) British journalists can shove it. 

I'm happy to say I was pleasantly surprised by Judd Apatow's comedy bit with Seth Rogen and James Franco. Personally I thought Pineapple Express was a disappointment, but this sketch was pretty hilarious. It's hard to pick a favorite part; there's the two stoners laughing hysterically at The Reader, Franco confusing Robert Downey Jr. with Barack Obama and even Saving Private Ryan director of photography Janusz Kaminski hanging out/cuddling with the pair. But I'd probably go with the moment where James Franco watches himself in Milk.  

Speaking of Milk, how about screenwriter Dustin Lance Black's speech? Call me a sap, but I thought that was the most touching Oscar speech I've ever heard. I almost cried, and this is coming from a person who has probably shed a tear at no more than 10 movies in her lifetime. The Academy has certainly come a long way since 2005, when it didn't have the guts to give the Best Picture Oscar to Brokeback Mountain.

I was also really happy with the Slumdog (almost) sweep. I know the backlash against it is now in full swing, but I still freakin' love that movie. If nothing else, the Oscars satisfied my insatiable need to see the cast and Danny Boyle at all times. They're the happiest people on earth (for good reason), and seeing them you just can't help but smile too. My only question is where was the exact replication of the Bollywood dance from the credits?

Because, let's be honest, it would have been a gajillion times better than that ode to the musical that Hugh Jackman and Beyonce led. There were way too many songs in there, which caused a lot of classics to get stiffed about five bars. Plus the performers really weren't that impressive. Boring maybe, but not impressive. If Vanessa Hudgens and Zac Efron are the ones bringing the musical back, as Jackman declared, then I want no part of this revival.

Lastly, even though the Academy fulfilled my Kate Winslet and Slumdog Millionaire requests and even though I knew this was coming, it pains me that The Curious Case of Benjamin Button is now an Oscar winner. The inevitable proclamations on the DVD cover are likely to turn me into Bruce Banner, so please be warned and hide any copies once they're released.

Fred Astaire+Michael Jackson=The New PB & J

Okay, I have a sad truth to admit: before my Hollywood Musical class this semester, I had never seen a Fred Astaire movie. Having now enjoyed The Band Wagon, Top Hat and all the numbers of Easter Parade, I realize what an absolute crime that was. Not only is Fred one of the most amazingly talented dancers I've ever seen, he's so adorable! I dare you to watch any of his movies, or even just the first thirty seconds of "Cheek to Cheek" and not fall a little bit in love with him. And if his talent and charm weren't enough, listen to this: some imdb snooping has informed me that he was the narrator of the claymation classic Santa Claus Is Comin' to Town. So I think it's time to add him to my list of obsessions, and work on suppressing my enormous envy of Ginger Rogers.

But onto the real reason for my post. While searching for Fred numbers to use for my class paper, I came across this brilliant YouTube video. Some wonderful, wonderful person combined the genius of Fred Astaire with the genius of '80s Michael Jackson in the following mash-up, which I've watched at least five times since my initial discovery. They've specifically sampled the Girl Hunt Ballet from The Band Wagon, a sort of film noir in dance form which also features the stunning Cyd Charisse. 

The first minute or so of this mash-up is Fred-less and thus a little unnecessary, but I'll leave it up to you whether to skip ahead or not. Regardless, I hope you're ready to have your mind blown.